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...oh dear

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ocean divide



Joined: 01 Sep 2009
Posts: 32
Location: Lost in thought...
...oh dear

I haven't come out to anyone, no one knows, and I'm pretty scared to tell anyone. My family are all very strict Christians and so are all of my friends. I've done the worst thing possible, fallen for my best friend. Yes, my best friend. We've been friends since middle school, so long ago. I love her so much that it hurts, without her it feels like I can't breathe, we argue and fight but we always let it go. We use to hug and cuddle a lot but for a while now she's becoming more distant. I'm not sure what to make of it because we still get along just as we use to. I don't know how to go about telling anyone either. I'm just so worried of losing everyone that I care about and having no one left. Mt biggest fear is being alone. I need a friend that understands all of this Sad
..sigh life should definitely not be this confusing or tough.
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"Somebody take my hand and lead me, slow me down, don't let love pass me by, just show me how 'cause I'm ready to fall."

Emmy Rossum

Post Mon Nov 23, 2009 6:00 am 
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Eilidh
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Joined: 09 Apr 2005
Posts: 1880


(((((((((Ocean))))))))),

You just told a whole bunch of caring, welcoming women, so congratulations on that! Smile Now for your personal life ... Don't ever feel like you have to come out to anyone until you are absolutely ready. Of course you want to be honest with your family and friends, I understand that, just know that you can come out on your own terms; don't let anyone pressure you into it.

As for falling for your best friend ... yes ... sigh ... I've done it and I know how much it hurts. I was listening to a panel of gay and lesbian speakers one time and every single one of them had a story about falling in love with their best friend. It's actually quite common! Could your friend realize how much you love her and maybe isn't interested in taking the friendship to "relationship" status? Could she realize that you may not exactly be straight and she doesn't know how to react so she is just becoming distant? Does she currently have a boyfriend? Can you talk to her? Yes, it is extremely scary to contemplate the possibility of losing a friend if she reacts badly, but she also may surprise you.

As for your family, it might be good to take things one step at a time. Remember what I said before: only come out on your own terms. Make sure you have support elsewhere in case they do react poorly. If they support you financially, carefully consider coming out to them if they are likely to retract their support.

There are some other women on this site who have much more experience with Christianity than I do. They will be able to advise you from that angle. If you haven't already, I'd recommend reading WonderWhy's story in this same "Coming Out" section. You two may have a lot in common Smile

I wish you all the best, ocean divide.
Please feel free to post more of your questions and thoughts here. We have a good group of women who will do their best to give you all the support you deserve.

Hugs,
Eilidh

Post Mon Nov 23, 2009 9:29 am 
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Dark prism



Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 865
Location: California Dreamin, baby.


"..sigh life should definitely not be this confusing or tough."


In my opinion, life is about learning. And in my experience, I've learned the most from the confusing and tough issues. Especially this one. I was in your position about 3 years ago, except that my family was not overly religious, and I know that makes a huge difference. Regardless of that, when I realized I was a lesbian in my early 20's, I then proceeded to keep it a big secret for the next 20 years. I told no one. I hid it. I lived in utter fear of anyone finding out. (Turns out most people already assumed it, and I was deluding myself.) I put my life on hold for 20 years and lived under one hell of alot of stress from the fear of it all. I really don't recommend that. I finally came out a few years ago, and my life has started and things are wonderful! I'm finally me, I'm finally free, and let me tell you, it feels AWESOME!

I know it's hard. I know you have alot to lose. You have to think very carefully on this, but in the end, you have to be you, and you have to surround yourself with people that want you to be you. I've certainly learned (the hard way...... or the confusing and tough way) that that is the only healthy way to be.

You might want to contact your local chapter of PFLAG for help. It is also really important to find other gay people. You need a support system. That is tremendously important. You are doing good though, because you already found one. Mels is the first place I turned to and got the support I needed to dig myself out of my hole and burst out into the sunshine. I was lucky, because I got a good response from my family, but regardless of that, it needed to be done. I couldn't not live my life anymore.

I suggest you read through the other posts in the Coming Out section and you will find that you are not alone, and you may find some really good advice in there too.

Good luck. Let us know what happens.


Dp
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"Fighting for this girl - on the battlefield of love."

Post Sat Dec 05, 2009 7:28 pm 
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