Internet Safety- When things are not as they seem.
On the net, someone can be anyone they want to be. And often times, we can
unwittingly help them build their online persona
. Deprived of the 5 senses online, our ability to use our full intuition or unconscious knowledge at the gut level is often obscured. We have all been burned on the net to different degrees. Afterwards, we find that there was a little nagging or gut level doubt that we dismissed. Something didn’t add up but we had refused to question it more because after all, we were deprived of our 5 senses and had given someone the benefit of the doubt.
Players, true manipulators will use that to its extreme degree, and skillfully.
They have answers for everything, reasons why things might not add up to you after you catch it. And it all makes sense! Or does it really? At times they have given an answer or reason for something you didn’t question at first. This may happen a few times, you find yourself relying on their thinking and telling them about themselves on an unconscious level. They are filling in the blanks for you without your asking (and after you ask of course) and you are just listening, learning about them. Slowly, critical thinking becomes less necessary unconsciously because they are open, they are explaining,
they are giving you….online…who they are and what they are about
. When people seem to explain things because they are trying to figure out what you might be thinking and question, give some space and notice they are trying to guide the conversation.
And who they are involves what their true intent is
. A player’s intent is to win, to con, to deceive, and to manipulate to get what they want.
But first, they have to know what you want, what you need and who you are.
Do you have compassion? There is story that needs compassion. Do you have intelligence? Well there is an intellectual conversation needed. Are you hurt and trying to trust again? There is someone here willing for you to put your trust in. Do you desire to find a partner? Yes, they do too and all is agreed about how important values and how close the both of you seem to match in that way. I can hear the reader say in the back of her mind, yes but all those things are a part a real genuine relationship as well. Exactly! The counterfeit has to look like the real or it won’t be any good.
The only difference is intent and online/real time we just do not know someone’s intent.
Bottom line is to trust your gut.
Be willing to listen to when things that don’t make sense and stop trying
to fill in with answers
. Sit with doubt for a while and listen to it because a manipulator will want you to have the answers – his/her answers or explanations. They are very charming, interesting people.
And they will target your exact need or desire
. There are a few things to remember here (hard lessons learned) but certainly an incomplete list.
You are not willing to give out personal information but then there comes a time where a phone number or an email addy or a regular address is needed for something (something light and fun or something serious). You are wondering about it, maybe you are being prudish or something.
Stop and keep your boundaries.
You are asked to why you have certain boundaries in an indirect way. Stop and think about why someone would ask…to understand? Or is it to find an exploitation?
You are in a relationship with someone and it is known. Usually another’s respect for your relationship will mirror your own in degree. But there are some who love the challenge, nevertheless, and will disregard your boundaries anyhow. Those who do this have no respect for your relationship, or you.
People respect others privacy without guilting or coercing for information when they are healthy and good with boundaries. That means…even someone’s thoughts, feelings or other personal information.
2) Spot a minor
There are some indications online when a minor is involved. Again, use your best judgment and the least, don’t accuse but look out for one that you think may be not telling the truth about his or her age.
Here are a few links to check out regarding tips to spot a minor.
Predators have this information already and they use it. Become a safe person for this individual to talk to and encourage discussions about Internet safety around this person. While this website does not advocate minor participation and will ban known minors…the reality is…
anyone can lie on the net.
Whenever participating in controversial forums, do so anonymously. It is also a good idea to also have a non-gender type of nic name. If someone asks whether you are male or female, tell him or her it has nothing to do with the conversation. Reason being is that in research, sexism plays a role in many cases of online bullying.
However in same gender forums there is no less opportunity for bullying to happen. Bullying behavior is a form of intimidation whether by name-calling, put downs, threats etc. Do not respond to public messages of bullying nature and contact a moderator to deal with it. If you have private messages that are sexually suggestive, obscene, aggressive, threatening or make you feel uncomfortable in anyway, save the message and send it to a moderator. Engaging in communication with a bully etc by means of aggression or flaming
makes matters worse
and it is best to nip in the early stages.
Cyber-stalking refers to the use of the Internet, e-mail, or other electronic communication device to stalk another person. And it is
just as threatening as physical stalking
. Please take the time to read these links before stalking can occur and information to what you can do if it does occur.
Kids and adults are missing every year from online abduction.
It is reality
and it happens with the smartest folks. Before it comes to meeting in person, a good communication in friendship and a lot of
is needed. A group meeting is always best and in a public place. Stalkers/predators will
not be willing
to meet in groups and to be known because of their intent to harm.
6) Online Drama
Because of the propensity to emotionally or mentally drain individuals or groups, this is mentioned for emotional safely and well being. Drama includes
bringing others into
a disagreement, fight, or personal problem that involves others on chat or on the boards. While chat and the boards can be a great place to share oneself and what is going on in life, it can easy turn into drama. Take time away when this happens and refresh yourself outside of the net. You can keep the positive of online when not drawn into and stuck in its negativity when it happens. It just makes sense to do
I hope this was of help to some.
Mon Jun 13, 2005 3:02 am
melons Site Admin
Joined: 06 Feb 2004
this is an amazingly, wonderful piece of information and so very true. Its sad that there are players on the net and they are very difficult to spot sometimes, you are right.
Thanks so much for posting this, it must have taken a good deal of time to prepare and is much appreciated.
Take heed everyone...
Love and kisses,
Thu Jun 16, 2005 8:07 pm
Joined: 29 Aug 2004
Thanks Mel...I am pleased that you like it. It was a bit different than I have written in the past concerning saftey issues for other projects of mine. Hugs
Sun Jun 19, 2005 7:01 pm
Joined: 15 Dec 2005
wow..very eye opening _________________ We love
Rubbing the nakednesses with gloved hands,
Inverting our mouths in tongued kisses,
Kisses that neither touch nor care to touch if
LOVE IS INTERNAL.
Fri Dec 16, 2005 11:35 pm
Joined: 07 Jan 2006
Thanks for the reminder and for any of those who might not think about this. We really do need to keep good boundaries. SOme have hjad bad experiences and last thing they need are things to hurt them online. Many thanks
Sat Jan 14, 2006 9:51 pm
Joined: 29 Aug 2004
Thanks for posting your thoughts. I encourage you to share articles or links to safety online sites here, even maybe stories of online experiences. It happens, it is real and it doesn't matter what someone's intellect or age is.
Tue Jan 17, 2006 3:35 pm
Joined: 25 Mar 2006
Location: dublin ireland
thank you for this. im very impressed with the amount of work you put into this just for us. just makes us feel that much safer to know that someone is watching over us.
so lady like LOL
Fri Apr 14, 2006 7:36 pm
Thanks for going to all the truble and time to post this. I've had this happen to me in the past but I got out befor it got to far, and it's nice to see other ppl looking out for us Dance thank you!
Mon Jul 31, 2006 5:20 am
Joined: 29 Aug 2004
Small Apple and Guest,
I apprechiate the responses.
Sat Sep 16, 2006 2:03 pm
Joined: 22 Sep 2006
Location: In love with Apey
Thank you, it was great to read such an in-depth reminder of the importance of online-safety.
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