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CHAT - PLEASE READ
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Ladies Lifestyle and Living Store
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melons
Site Admin


Joined: 06 Feb 2004
Posts: 2371
CHAT - PLEASE READ

It was recently brought to my attention that a group of women who share a similar lifestyle preference have been victimized or discriminated against whilst in the chat lobby of Melswebs. The incidents included snide, ridiculing and belittling comments and at times created an atmosphere whereby those victimized reacted with defensive remarks of the same type. Other incidents of bullying and intimidation, unrelated to lifestyle preferences, have also occurred between other members when in the chat lobby.

The Admins and/or I have spoken to the majority of those parties involved and I’ve reviewed several documents prior to concluding that some women have been treated unfairly by others on this site, and I will not allow that to continue.

Therefore, I would like to take a moment to remind everyone that when you enter chat, you are agreeing to respect the dignity and opinions of others. The site itself is built upon understanding, kindness, respect and tolerance for ALL women...no matter their country of origin, colour, religious beliefs or lifestyle and it is this that maintains the harmony of the site that so many of us adore. So, whilst I know that the vast majority of women who come here show understanding and respect for others, their lifestyle, beliefs and ideals (and I thank all of you for this) there are some (a minority) who do not.

We as lesbians, a minority group in of itself, should be mindful that discrimination, victimisation, intimidation and bullying are wrong. I am sure many of us have experienced victimisation or discrimination at some point in our lives and with that in mind we should all understand what it feels like to be on the receiving end. It is unnecessary, offensive, hurtful, deprecating. derogatory, pejorative.....and those are only a few of the words that immediately come to my mind.

Should we all agree all of the time?

Quite the contrary. In fact, it would be very boring if we did all agree on everything. We are all entitled to our own viewpoints, yet we can still show understanding, appreciation and respect for the viewpoints of others without feeling threatened or wrong in our own beliefs and also without yielding our own stance on a subject of discussion. In other words we can agree to disagree.

Discussions and disagreements are, of course, a healthy balance of everyday life and wherever we go in life we will be challenged by them and challenged by the need to show diplomacy in our responses.

What causes issues in chat?

I do believe that some of what occurs in chat is also the result of misinterpretation of the written word (many of you may disagree and that is your prerogative). Some misunderstandings will invariably arise because the site has a wide, multicultural range of women and primarily because English is not the first language of us all.

Additionally it is not just the language itself that can cause problems, but the medium of chat as a form of communication. After all, the written word is devoid of expression, such as intonation and body language. In fact it is devoid of feeling unless we embellish it with emoticons or other ‘words’ to show how we are feeling as an individual (for instance, words such as *smiling...*grins....*hugs....*LMAO etc etc). Most of us know this already however I am reiterating this point for any newcomers to the site.

Added to this are differences in personality (the complex of a persons behavioural, temperamental, emotional and mental attributes); perception, attribution attitude, values and ethics which mark us all as individuals and these are the key factor in contentious discussions because they ‘drive’ our behaviours. So, one person might say something in chat that they consider funny or humorus and another person (reading it) might consider it, for instance, offensive, antagonistic, judgmental, unclear, ambiguous or downright rude and they will react accordingly. Reactions can also be influenced by culture, upbringing, experience and beliefs as well as external environmental factors which influence each of us; after all, I am certain we have each experienced a bad day at work!

How do we overcome miscommunication?

Well this is the hard part; however, there are some techniques that can be used and we already discussed one, that being to add emotion to the words (again...emoticons etc). Secondly, if we are unsure of what has been said to us we can always ask for clarification. Never be afraid to ask for clarification. Never take offence if someone wants that clarification. It is an integral part of clear communication. If you are uncertain of what has been said then clarify it!

Will clarification slow down the pace and humour in chat...the quick wit etc?

My answer would have to be no. For the majority of us it shouldn’t slow down chat and if it prevents arguments and misunderstandings then surely that is a positive outcome. If you want clarification you can always use private chat in order to remove your discussion from the main room.

What is acceptable behaviour in chat?’

The admins and I agree that anything considered acceptable in a real-time lounge, sitting room or bar where a group of woman are chatting and playing is acceptable in chat. Chat is exactly that, a public virtual space where, in this instance, a group of woman who love women can meet, relax, chat and play or gain supportive assistance if they have a particular issue.

Chat often revolves around ‘our’ everyday lives and might also include discussions on a good bargain (even on a dildo so I’ve been told!), or fantasy hot tub play, virtual showers, waiting on a Mistress, playing in a jellopit or mud pit watching pole-dances etc. These are just a few examples of the humorous often flirtatious play that is sometimes mildly sexual in content.

Although I don’t advocate swearing because many might find it offensive it can actually be used to communicate feeling and humour; therefore, if you feel the need to swear please minimize your use but never direct it towards an individual or group of members. For instance, if you were to say ‘f*cking computer’ that would be acceptable but if you were to say ‘f*ck off to someone then that would be unacceptable and would earn a rebuke from a moderator. I do not believe in ‘booting’ people from chat on the first ‘strike’ for swearing nor even the second ‘strike;’ invariably I find it beneficial to let the individual get it out of their system, although each situation is different and will be assessed as such.

I do believe that too many rules in chat will deter from the free speech that so many of us enjoy. We should be able to express our opinions without fear of ridicule etc. and we should be able to relax and ‘be ourselves.’ Plus, as adults, we should all be able to say ‘I find that offensive’ without the need to involve moderators or other members in managing our disputes for us. That said we should also be able to listen when someone tells us we have offended them!

What is not acceptable use of Chat?

Soliciting sex from other members, making inappropriate advances to other members, having full cybersex in the main lobby are all inappropriate uses of the Melswebs Chat. Discrimination, victimisation, intimidation and bullying are also against the rules.

[Please note: For those of you who are couples; if you and your partner are so ‘turned on’ that you feel the need to become more involved and sexually explicit then I would suggest that a separate chat room is more appropriate or you could leave mels chat and continue off site (on msn or yahoo for instance).

What should I do if I feel offended in Chat or find behaviour unacceptable towards me?

You may feel offended by something said to you however it may not be the intention of the other person to offend you. Therefore, tell them you feel offended. If it was not intentional they will clear the misunderstanding.

For a short while (a couple of weeks) Realwoman will remain in chat pasted to the lobby ceiling. If someone persists in offending you or you find the behaviours continually unacceptable after asking them to desist, then highlight the entire text and press control and C simultaneously. Paste the text (by pressing control and V simultaneously) in ‘realwoman’s’ private window.

Hopefully there will be no need for anyone to use this function because I believe it will prevent the natural flow of chat and we are not here to ‘police’ everything that is said. Additionally unless the entire context of the discussion is copied it will leave the context open to interpretation and it will be too easy for someone to misuse this function.

What do I do if I don’t like a discussion or a person in chat?

If you enter chat and there is a discussion ongoing that you do not like or a person who you do not like then you have choices. Those choices are: to ignore the discussion and not participate, continue with your own discussion, move to another room with your friends, chat in private or leave chat.

Ultimately we all have the option to leave, we all have that control over what we choose to discuss, choose to read or whom we choose to chat with. No one can take that choice from us.

Usernames in Chat

If you are registered on the boards (Poetry General or Story) then please use the same username in Chat so we all know who we are chatting too. If you want a different name then please add to this thread and say what your usernames are. I believe in honesty...be proud to show yourself and don't hide behind different names without identifying yourself.

New Members

Although we have occasionally had men enter chat pretending to be women it is a very rare occurence. Please, when a new member arrives in chat, treat them with the dignity of believing they are women by first intent and do not assume, or make statements, that they are male when they don't reveal much about themselves.

If you believe someone is a male then contact a mod or admin.

Behaviours

We are all responsible for our own behaviours in chat. Respect others and they will respect you. Appreciate others and they will appreciate you.

Most Importantly

ENJOY AND HAVE FUN!

Thanks for taking the time to read.

Hugs to all,

Mel

P.S. Comments are welcome!

Post Sun Jul 22, 2007 9:02 pm 
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Mairi bheag



Joined: 04 Mar 2005
Posts: 5094
Location: Scotland


A fair, comprehensive, and laudible statement.

Mb
xx

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all posted material (c) Marie Marshall, unless otherwise stated.

Post Mon Jul 23, 2007 10:13 am 
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ghost



Joined: 06 Nov 2005
Posts: 2828
Location: MIA


hear, hear!

thank you Mel, for clearing the air a bit.

regards
ghost
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MIA

Post Mon Jul 23, 2007 6:14 pm 
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Smurfy



Joined: 18 Dec 2006
Posts: 94
Location: in your closet


Got it Boss

Elf here Embarassed
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monkey

Post Tue Jul 24, 2007 7:29 pm 
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sadeyes



Joined: 30 Apr 2007
Posts: 150
Location: wisconsin
mel

site name sadeyes
chat name heather_ashley
thanx for the update
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Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, but falling in love with you was completely out of my control.

Post Tue Jul 24, 2007 7:33 pm 
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Angel1
Moderators


Joined: 09 Mar 2007
Posts: 1518
Location: U.K


well said(((((((((((((((((Mel))))))))))))))
Thank you for the update and Thank you also for creating this wonderful haven*Applauds* Exclamation


with much love
Angel1 x Exclamation

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We are spiritual beings having a human experience."
-Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (1881-1955)

Post Tue Jul 24, 2007 7:49 pm 
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dRED1



Joined: 22 Feb 2006
Posts: 836
Location: Lost in the sea of souls .... South Pacific


Very clear and totally reasonable... Thank you so much for the update Mel, it's highly appreciated.

Boardname - dRED1 (yay! thank you Shiny DCK for changing it for me Smile )
Chatname - dRED
Anymone (I totally forgot about this...adding it here Smile )


Hugs,
Gel
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me o tojite sono hohoemi ni fureta - - G.Camui-Sama
~I closed my eyes and touched that smile~


Last edited by dRED1 on Tue Oct 23, 2007 9:06 pm; edited 4 times in total

Post Wed Jul 25, 2007 6:55 pm 
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wishonastar



Joined: 23 Jan 2007
Posts: 967
Location: Where I belong


Bordname wishonastar
chat name Star

thanks for the update Mel. You have created such a home here and i thank you for that!!
_________________
I'm not ready to let go
Cause then I'd never know
What I could be missing
But I’m missing way too much
So when do I give up, what I’ve been wishing for.

Down - Jason Woods

Post Wed Jul 25, 2007 9:32 pm 
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Roman



Joined: 24 Jun 2005
Posts: 3187


Read and noted!
Thanks Mel!
~Cheers, Jack
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~ Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me ~

Post Sat Jul 28, 2007 11:53 am 
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iris



Joined: 11 Mar 2007
Posts: 4
Location: GA


board name iris
chat name carmelcutie

well sed real
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LIVE LAUGH LOVE

Post Wed Aug 01, 2007 5:39 pm 
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jackie



Joined: 05 Aug 2007
Posts: 10
Location: South East USA
chat

Well said Mel very clear and understandable and I will gladly comply with them Arrow Arrow
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If you do anything worthwhile today, "do it" with a woman.

Post Mon Aug 06, 2007 6:45 pm 
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Smurfy



Joined: 18 Dec 2006
Posts: 94
Location: in your closet


herez my new chat id

monkey

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monkey

Post Mon Aug 20, 2007 5:08 pm 
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ghost



Joined: 06 Nov 2005
Posts: 2828
Location: MIA


smurfy... elf... monkey...

you are giving me multiple personality syndrome, s/e/m! i have a hard enough time keeping up with who's who in chat... sigh.

grins. if you are having problems logging on with your old username, please let us know? it really isn't necessary to change the username if you are having logging in problems, let's first see if we can fix it?

take care

regards
ghost
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MIA

Post Mon Aug 20, 2007 5:36 pm 
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Smurfy



Joined: 18 Dec 2006
Posts: 94
Location: in your closet


there wasnt any prob regarding sign in. i just wanted to change my chat id Smile
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monkey

Post Tue Aug 21, 2007 9:25 am 
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Fate



Joined: 08 Oct 2007
Posts: 10
Location: Canada
Chat Room Ethicate

Thanks a lot for putting all the guidelines together. Since I don't use internet and chat rooms very much, I am a total beginner. Your post was great. I learned a few things I didn't know before..

Fate

Post Tue Oct 23, 2007 6:46 am 
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