true, in the grand scheme of things, we were just one cracked bead on a string of pearls
but god, rejection thrashed me at the core
with eyes glazed in rage and guilt, I swung the whip that did us both
dear self,
forgive yourself.
sincerely, myself
could it have ended any other way? we would have gotten here anyway
I don't regret
I don't regret those beautiful kisses and the felicity that bubbled in the pit of my belly when you peered into my soul
tender girl, sweet dastard, I love the memory of you.
I don't regret anything
I think back on the things I've written
the thoughts make me sick
my mental state
of shock
how small and twisted I shrank
locked myself into a concrete-walled prison cell the size of a rigor mortis heart
and smeared mental feces all over the walls till they were marbled black green red
shit all over myself
all over you
i picked out my nails one by one and ate them
ripped at your locks of hair and chewed them in my mouth
regurgitated to chew again
was it really me? is that me?
that crazy woman in the attic
yes. yes, my dear.
i am a cruel woman
desperate woman
evil woman
forgive me
if my love for you was a cliche does that mean it wasn't real?
no matter
forlorn love songs mean nothing now
The hardest to accept is that I must make mistakes
like everybody else
I am not stronger or wiser
not immune
or safe
I cannot run
no escape
but I can forgive
open the windows and air me out
wash the plague away
de-quarantine
we live
to bear the pranks of love and hate all over again
forgive yourself, sweet dastard
the storm has passed
new seeds are rooting
Wed Aug 01, 2012 10:01 pm
MysteryGirl Moderators
Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3419
Location: I come from a land downunder
When we look back on times past, it is sometimes hard to recognise ourselves in the actions of the person back then....what we call need to remember is that we do the best we can, with what we have at the time. Self-forgiveness is often harder than our capacity to forgive others...you have found the right path Cuppy, just keep climbing.
I really enjoyed your choice of words and the scenarios painted here but not that you had to endure them.
HugZ, MG _________________ Be yourself.............everybody else is taken!
Wed Aug 01, 2012 11:31 pm
brachingritualz
Joined: 31 Mar 2007
Posts: 248
quote:
locked myself into a concrete-walled prison cell the size of a rigor mortis heart
and smeared mental feces all over the walls till they were marbled black green red
shit all over myself
all over you
i picked out my nails one by one and ate them
ripped at your locks of hair and chewed them in my mouth
Sweet Jesus you are a graphic weaver of words. There's nothing I love more than a writer who's not afraid to rip out their guts and throw it on paper, then shrink down to the floor to properly arrange them like a painting or a puzzle. That is what you have given us here and I loved the shit out of it. More please... _________________ shemovesme.wordpress.com
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