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Poetry Forum Index -> 'My Girl' Poetry

An Unstoppable Force

LifeVita6
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RawRainbows



Joined: 21 Jun 2007
Posts: 26
An Unstoppable Force

An Unstopable Force

Tangiable, you make me believe. Chemical, it leaves no room for doubt. Broken fragments of a sentence, left undefined. Could i build a spotlight and sort the thoughts in my mind? A drop in the water, im caught in a ripple effect. This iris, constricting, it shows me sunshine, warm grass, fluttered flesh. I wish I could wrap my fingers around it, an image for my shaking hands. Perspective, an evolution, do i expect the unexpected? Trickle, of spontanity, a hanging moment in time, pause, fast forward, rewind. I need a heartbeat to remind me im still breathing. Its like a distant summer, the day just being born. Play, it keeps moving, storybook scence, outside of everything i ever let myself know. Tornadoes touch down and rearrange everything in their path, a force of nature, how something wrong, feels so right. Sweet release, ill pretend to be busy when really im watching you pass me by. Take another look at your world, in the silence something is happening. Random squences in the void, i will bare it all.
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Life is fluid, always changing, and always creating.


Last edited by RawRainbows on Tue Apr 01, 2008 9:36 pm; edited 1 time in total

Post Sat Mar 15, 2008 6:16 am 
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Eiregirl



Joined: 21 Jul 2005
Posts: 10230
Location: Chasing a pink bunny


Raw,

This is a nice write.

Hugs,
Eiregirl Arrow
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All poems and stories posted by Eiregirl are Copyright 2005 - 2008 Aoibhegréine These literary works are my property under copyright. If you wish to use my work for any purpose please ASK FIRST.

Post Sun Mar 16, 2008 3:15 am 
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Eilidh
Moderators


Joined: 09 Apr 2005
Posts: 1880


RawRainbows,

I like this flow-of-consciousness write. You bring so many interesting images to light--sentences broken and undefined, fluttered flesh, random sequences in the void. Actually, now that I think about it, this whole piece could be seen as a film sequence, or a memory sequence in a film. Hmmm.

My only criticism would be that you might want to run this through spell-check ... those keyboards can be pesky sometimes Wink

Thanks for sharing this moment with us.

~Eilidh

Post Thu Jun 19, 2008 12:54 pm 
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desert-fish



Joined: 13 Apr 2006
Posts: 2777
Location: deleted


Yep, this is the second submission of yours I've read....and I can say I truly like the way you write....very spontaneous.....like the way you use your words...

My only criticism is that poetry to me needs to be a tad more structured...

But I did enjoy that!

Very Happy

Post Sun Jul 13, 2008 10:19 am 
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