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Poetry Forum Index -> Love Poetry

Bottomless pockets

LifeVita6
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WonderWhy



Joined: 25 Jun 2009
Posts: 244
Bottomless pockets

I looked over as the door handle began to turn
The door opened and she walked in…
Bundled in warm clothes
Eskimo hooded!
Cheeks pink from flu,
And I, once again,
Enchanted.

She sat by the heater
Hands stuffed in bottomless pockets
As usual – concerned about everyone
Everyone but herself!
But she had to go – too sick to stay.
So she walked out again.
Opened the door and stepped out.
Taking my heart with her
In one of her bottomless pockets.

Post Tue Sep 08, 2009 11:51 am 
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MysteryGirl
Moderators


Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3416
Location: I come from a land downunder


This is lovely WW, I think you captured beautifully how it feels when someone has our heart and they are so totally unaware of the fact. Exclamation





HugZ, Noni
_________________
Be yourself.............everybody else is taken!

Post Tue Sep 08, 2009 1:13 pm 
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smart_cookie



Joined: 12 Aug 2006
Posts: 2310
Location: USA


Omg. This is just.....so beautiful and well done. And as MG said, we never know the effect we may have on someone, all unknowing. Thank you for sharing this sweet and poignant little gem.

Post Sat Mar 06, 2010 1:17 am 
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SummerJoy



Joined: 11 Jul 2005
Posts: 198
Location: England


Your poem economically shaped but carved with emotion. Enjoyed so much.


SummerJoy

Post Sun Mar 21, 2010 7:54 pm 
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WonderWhy



Joined: 25 Jun 2009
Posts: 244


Thank you so much for your kind comments MG, Smart Cookie and Summer Joy.
Smile

Post Wed Mar 24, 2010 9:28 am 
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Eilidh
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Joined: 09 Apr 2005
Posts: 1880


WW,

I agree with SummerJoy in terms of structure. I also think this poem could expand into a beautiful story Wink

Nicely done.

~Eilidh

Post Sun Mar 28, 2010 9:14 pm 
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