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Poetry Forum Index -> Emotional Poetry

Pennsylvania

LifeVita6
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brachingritualz



Joined: 31 Mar 2007
Posts: 248
Pennsylvania

When she rang my bell
I had already been pacing the hallway
for half an hour
trying to still my heart in the middle of a seizure
like a body about to break everything it surrounds.
I seriously thought about calling the whole thing off
to lie in the comfort of my bed and cowardice,
safe from risk and change like disciples of the devil I’ve stopped .
I don’t think I even said “Hi”.
I just rushed into the driver’s seat like a green zone,
needing to feel in control of something
while every other errand of my mind failed.

Separated by two inches and an arm seat,
we barely looked at each other, even in conversation
where eye contact is as common a gesture as blinking.
I wondered if she could have been nervous like me.
She is human at the end of the day
in spite of the modifications I’ve made in the laboratory of my brain
like some super beast or celebrity I’ve wired to attract lightening.

I missed a turn on Route 9, about to pick up my friend,
a.k.a, a perfect stranger to her,
no stretch from what we were outside of work,
before Pennsylvania.
She jumps in the back seat without being asked,
and I wonder if she knew that we might have all died
had she stayed so close to my side that I could not tell reverse from drive.
I catch her reflection in my window and rear view mirror
more often than I need to check for cars
but, I still can’t believe any of its real
as though we’ve travelled through space instead of states.

One bathroom break and nearly four hours later, we arrive.
Sand’s Casino is like a scene from Indecent Proposal
and I wonder if without trying that I’m already coming on too strong.
We check in then find the nearest bar like an outlet to charge.
One glass of Disaronno and two Long Island Iced Tea’s later, I begin to relax.
I joke, tease and flirt against my grated nerves,
unsure of everything until she laughs.
Our eyes shift from opposing counsel to United Nations
and if I ever went blind, those seconds are the only thing in the world
I want to remember seeing.

We gamble briefly, lose,
then find ourselves back at the bar
like magnet and steel pulled apart but stronger than distance or length.
I’m on fire, she’s all laughter and smiles
but for all I know, she’s like this with everyone.
I wonder what if she is but, am too drunk to overanalyze.
I just want to swallow every turn of her mouth like praise
and hold her attention like an award that never leaves my hand.

Two hours later, we’re outside waiting for a cab.
She sits in front and decides that she wants dreads like the driver,
not the least bit concerned that her hair isn’t long enough
because she keeps cutting it to pacify some anxiety
she keeps to herself like any woman’s weight on a scale .

8:00pm
we find our seats then wait in line
either for beers or to make room for more
in a cycle that goes on for the next few hours.
We watch Melissa Ferrick and Ani Difranco sing,
our knees touch while sitting and I don’t let her wear sunglasses indoors;
A trick she pulls so nobody knows when she’s had enough to drink.
She dances when pulled to her feet by Gwen
and yells to Ani about being sexy.
Later Melissa gives her bedroom eyes after another shout
and I want to rush the stage to black them
like an alpha male that’s been challenged.

One mile and several Miller’s later,
we’re back drinking in the Casino.
I try to teach her about poker and hands
then one by one she inquires about my ink like art in a museum.
I usually lie to save my breath but unlike everyone else that asks
I actually want her to understand.
I said the initials on my shortest finger
was “this chick when I was 18”
she clapped in support, then dedicated a shot of Jameson to Regina.

Around midnight, I decided to go hard
and ordered shot after drink, drink after shot.
She wandered away and had to be escorted back to me
after zoning out in front of a slot machine.
I watched her being brought forward like a juvenile in trouble
giggly and not the least bit sorry.
Ready to go back to the room
she asked for the key but clearly required supervision.
She veered into the food court on the way,
none of us had eaten since breakfast,
alcohol going straight to our stomachs without any interference .

Equally trashed, we sat down with cheeseburgers and fries
and had one of the most intimate and surprisingly coherent conversations
I’ve had in the last 15 years of my life.
I stacked my fries like building blocks to calm my nerves.
“Why are you doing that?” She asked.
“Why are you watching me?” I replied.
“You have good lips” she said
but, I think she meant to say nice?
“And you have good eyes”
I instantly replied, unsure how else to respond
though I definitely meant to say beautiful.

Then around 2 in the morning, three little words
ruined every implication of the remark and all the hours left.
The week before
someone from her past returned wanting a second chance
she couldn’t give.
When I asked why, she said
“because I’m with someone”.
My heart sank like an anchor thrown overboard
but, I played it down with a simple “Oh”.

I wanted to run back to the bar before it closed,
but she wanted to play hide and go seek near the elevators.
She’s a goofy drunk and under other circumstances it would have been cute,
but I was too wasted to run and too wounded to really participate.
After searching under a few tables in the banquet room
I caught her peeking out of an elevator
and stepped in only slightly amused.

At last in the room
she collapsed into a chair
and before leaving I make her pinkie promise
to stay put.
“Don’t make me worry about you”
I plead, knowing I will anyway.

Devastated and finally alone,
I let my face drop and set out to get shitfaced.
I grab a pint of southern comfort from my glove department
and walk back to the Steel Stacks we passed earlier.
Lit up like a stage, I sat across the street staring down illuminated parts
of a whole I could not begin to identify as a structure
like pieces of a puzzle without a box cover to reference.
All I know is that it was damn pretty
and something about the lights soothed me
like noises made to mimic life inside the womb.

Around 5am I stumble back to the room
just to make sure she’s still there.
And she is, planted face down in bed like it was all she could do
to move from one point to the next.
I drag myself around the Casino for the next few hours,
bottle in hand like a security blanket.
Sleep is not an option for the heart so hollowed out
that its begun to echo her saying,
“I’m with someone”.

I have to wonder why she even came,
but it doesn’t keep me from being glad that she did.
Months or years later when somebody asks me
about the last time I was truly happy
I’ll say, “Pennsylvania, before 2am”.
_________________
shemovesme.wordpress.com

Post Sat May 05, 2012 11:05 pm 
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MysteryGirl
Moderators


Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3419
Location: I come from a land downunder


Brach.... I love how you tell a story that I can see and hear and almost reach out and touch. I love the way you use dozens, hundreds, even thousands of words to construct, to set the scene with exqusite detail. Most of all though I love how you then condense the whole thing down to one or two sentences that contain all we really need to know.

Months or years later when somebody asks me
about the last time I was truly happy
I’ll say, “Pennsylvania, before 2am”.



HugZ, MG
_________________
Be yourself.............everybody else is taken!

Post Sat May 05, 2012 11:40 pm 
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MdmPrez



Joined: 16 Oct 2007
Posts: 803
Location: US of A
brach

ditto to what MG said. Boil it down and that's what you got.

A fellow Pensylvanian,

MdmPrez

Post Mon May 07, 2012 12:30 am 
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