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Poetry Forum Index -> Emotional Poetry

Possession

LifeVita6
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brachingritualz



Joined: 31 Mar 2007
Posts: 248
Possession

I wanna walk into a girl bar
with gold stars in my eyes and enough money in my pocket
to buy that “don’t give a damn” feeling from half a bottle inside an hour.
I would give what remains of my attention
to the first girl with dark hair and light eyes
that lets me buy her a drink like an invitation that would be specified later
like details of a loan after its been signed.
I would guide her to my bed
without a single thought ahead of consummation,
bury myself in her
the way I submerge my entire head under pool water when it’s humid.
The noise of her satisfaction drowning out your voice in my thoughts
the way every sound outside remains a murmur
until forced by the instinct of survival to come up for air.
I would occupy her entire body the way a social movement thrives in tents,
not caring about how she would feel knowing
my heart was unavailable to her
as the sky is to the soil.
I want to be that distant and callous,
ingesting her private parts like intravenous fluids to kill the pain.
I want to be that selfish and unrefined,
to free myself from your reign, for a time,
to fuck you from my mind.

But I don’t.
The heart you’ve seized like meals trapped in arteries
keeps me at home,
nursing this allegiance
like a drink designed to be sipped,
sure to punish my stomach if hurried.
So, at the end of the night, I sit alone,
staring into pictures of you like a fireplace fed by wood,
having only touched myself
in a desperate venture to feel something, else.

I want to drink myself to death in one sitting
instead of gradually to Cirrhosis over years.
I want to poison you from my body
like an exorcism meant to chase ghosts from the soul of an innocent.
I want to be bold and reckless,
experiment with all the drugs I’ve been scared away from
by the 50% chance I’d become an addict.

I just want to want something
more than I want you,
even if it stained my character and endangered my heath.

But I won’t.
I’ll stick to what I know
and let my life end naturally as when disaster strikes,
like a chastising hand from the sky nobody sees
but everyone feels responsible for while looking back on their lives.

I have every right to move on, but no free will.
You may be the world to me, but you are not God,
and I want back everything I gave
under the illusion of reciprocation.
You do not belong to me, but I belong to you
like a puppy or kitten programmed into dependence
by one person’s scent and living space.
It should be a crime, your hold on me,
like a body tied up in the trunk of a car,
or a shut up by duct tape in a secret lair.
Except everybody would say I put myself there
and fell in love with my captor like a textbook syndrome.

I want to donate myself to science,
let them electrocute my brain
after I’ve been issued a mouth guard
like a stuffed animal to clutch in the dark.
See if I still think of you then,
like a memory that’s been erased,
or a limb amputated.
I don’t have a suicide wish,
I just want to get through a single day
without seeing more of your face
than anything else put in front of my eyes
like a Rorschach test I’d fail,
calling every card of ink out by your name
like a new lover angered by habit or truth.

I want to want something, more than I want you,
but I don’t.
I have every right to move on,
knowing you don’t want me back, but I can’t.
Possession is nine tenths of the law,
and every time you open your hand,
no matter how easy it would be to jump,
there I still, am.
_________________
shemovesme.wordpress.com

Post Wed May 16, 2012 6:39 pm 
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MysteryGirl
Moderators


Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3419
Location: I come from a land downunder


Sad Oh Lord, Oh Lord.....Brach, I think I just need to 'presume' a trigger warning when it comes to your work. Seriously. I start off reading it with the untouched persepctive of a voyeur and end up on my knees with my own heart crying "Hell yeah". I wish you didn't have to write this stuff.... I wish I didn't read it....I wish I couldn't find a single damn thing it it that resonates. And most of all I wish I could give you all the advice, the platitudes and the cliches and the timely advice that I so often give others...that I am known as being wise for imparting.... all that jazz about time healing all wounds, and one day at a time, and it gets better etc etc. All I know is

I want to want something, more than I want you,
but I don’t.
I have every right to move on,
knowing you don’t want me back, but I can’t.
Possession is nine tenths of the law,
and every time you open your hand,
no matter how easy it would be to jump,
there I still, am.
_________________
Be yourself.............everybody else is taken!

Post Wed May 16, 2012 11:50 pm 
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brachingritualz



Joined: 31 Mar 2007
Posts: 248


Perhaps MG, the wisdom you impart here is that there is nothing to be done, no advice to dish. It's just one of those injustice's that exist in the world for reasons we'll never understand. Sometimes it's enough to know you're not alone in the hurt. Thanks for always being here to read and feel along, it means alot Exclamation
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shemovesme.wordpress.com

Post Thu May 17, 2012 2:40 pm 
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Cavewoman



Joined: 06 Sep 2005
Posts: 2056
Location: nearby


Sad what MG said so eloquently

i feel this deeply ... i know where you are .....

thank you for wording it in ways i can read without bursting backwards ...

Exclamation
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" The sorcerers in life are created within each of us" --- Lynn V. Andrews

Post Fri May 18, 2012 10:48 pm 
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smart_cookie



Joined: 12 Aug 2006
Posts: 2310
Location: USA


I don't know how fresh this hurt is, but if it's been having the run of the place for a while, it's time to pick that sucker up and have a close inspection for fleas and ticks. Seriously, go all counterintuitive and look for flaws in your honey cos they are there. Find the clay feet and take big blow up glossies of them and tape them to your walls. (Speaking metaphorically of course.) Kill the magic even though the magic is the drug that started the whole mess. And throw those damn bottles away.

Mercy, what has happened to mels poetry boards? They used to be so active. Now it's a ghost town. Maybe everyone switched to blogging, like me?

Post Sun May 20, 2012 2:07 am 
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MysteryGirl
Moderators


Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3419
Location: I come from a land downunder


ALL your fault Cooks... you vanished, and then ae vanished and Moonie and there just arent enough of us left to keep up the standard... so for Pete's sake, .... COME BACK!!!




HugZ, MG
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Be yourself.............everybody else is taken!

Post Tue May 22, 2012 12:09 am 
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aidyl



Joined: 11 Nov 2007
Posts: 173
Location: Trinidad


I read and could not move. I read again and still could not move. I can't say i know how you feel because only you can know that Brach. However, I know how I felt when I was told words that hammered steel beams into my heart by the woman i loved, love, and will love into eternity. Words that meant our relationship was over. By your words I see we share similar emotions over the hole in our hearts.

Post Sat May 26, 2012 2:53 am 
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cupcakes



Joined: 18 Sep 2005
Posts: 324
Location: NY


Exclamation don't know what to say... just that I enjoy your writing.

best,
cuppy

Post Wed Jul 18, 2012 5:50 am 
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EverydayAngelKarie



Joined: 07 Mar 2007
Posts: 761
Location: Lakewood, CA


woahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i dont have anything deep to say. just that this was highly enjoyable. deep thoughts are on vacation.

sincerely,

EDA

Post Sat Jul 21, 2012 4:42 am 
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ae



Joined: 17 Sep 2006
Posts: 1025
Location: that tragic backwater, the gulf coast of florida


"I would occupy her entire body the way a social movement thrives in tents,"

Sheeeeee-iiiiit....


I hate to compare, but sometimes it can only be positive.... that's so Dylan-esque, darling...


"I want to drink myself to death in one sitting
instead of gradually to Cirrhosis over years.
I want to poison you from my body
like an exorcism meant to chase ghosts from the soul of an innocent"

and that's so you-esque.

Thank goodness you're still writing in here.



ae
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"...a soul that wakes up to find itself wandering, unwanted, between the spheres."

Post Sat Feb 23, 2013 10:10 pm 
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