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Poetry Forum Index -> Humorous Poetry

ORGASMOLOGY
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LifeVita6
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melons
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Joined: 06 Feb 2004
Posts: 2371
ORGASMOLOGY

I colour coded the poem..... Me , Cat

I had a funny conversation
with my lady friend you know,
it was born from a message
with a subtle typo.

Of course it was my mistake
I meant to type 'fingers,'
somehow I muddled it up
and out popped the word 'dingers.'

Now 'how can this be funny?'
I hear you all say,
well, when mixed with 'dildos'
our convo ran astray!

'Let's patent a dildo dinger!'
I said to my lady cat,
'you can go and patent it,
what do you think of that?'


'No way!' she said, vehemently,
'what is it anyway?'
'Its a rack for your dildos,
something to store them out the way.'


'Oh,' she said, laughing like crazy
'I've never heard of that.'
'No, you wouldn't have,
it's a quirk of typing in chat!'


And then she whispered seductively
a word especially for me,
'Philadelphia' in husky tones
why dont YOU say it and see.

It just rolls off the tongue
when spoken sexily
'Pennsylvania,' I replied
just as good, you'll agree.

Just the sound of the word,
in tempting undertones,
mentioned by my lady
is bound to make me moan.

Apparently it worked both ways.
'You make me feel sexified.'
'Wow, thats a new effect,' I said
'and I never really tried!'

'So, if I say another word,
for instance clitify,
does that have the same effect
and kind of satisfy?'


'Oh yes,' she said in laughter
at the absurd conversation,
'so what if I said to you
the word masturbation?'


And then that started the roll
of words like pussyfied,
and phrases equally good
such as 'i want to be fuckified!'

Tears streamed down my face,
in laughter and with glee,
my Lady Cat, for sure,
never fails to amaze me.

So next we pretended
I was at an interview,
with her as my employer
oh, now if you only knew...

I'll give you a little hint,
just one if that's okay,
anymore than that
and you'll be laughing everyday.

She said I was a temptress
designed to 'temptify,'
so now in my poetry
I'll attempt to edify.

She asked about qualifications,
'You mean like fuckology?
Yes I have many talents
including screwology!'


'I can talk many languages,
one being pussylingus
and then there's my favourite,
namely, cunnilingus.'


'Yes, but what of the others?'
'Which others,' I said.
'You know cuntification?'
Now I was blushing red,

'Yes, I'm sure I can do that,
there are no problems with me.
Oh, I forgot to mention,
I'm adept at orgasmology!'


'So you can really screwify?'
'Oh yes, I can and I will!'
is that an offer, I wondered
or is this just a cheap thrill?

'I tell you what,' I said
'I can do arsification too,
come bend over here,
I'll give you a quick run through.'


I looked at her a moment,
it was my lady's turn to blush.
At least I think that's what it was
or maybe it was a hot flush!'

I never mentioned titification
or anything else like that
I think she had had quite enough
so we ended our interview chat.

Post Tue Jan 17, 2006 10:25 pm 
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Allison



Joined: 12 Oct 2005
Posts: 4216
Location: Florida


LMAO fantastic...can't stop laughing!
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Alli

Post Wed Jan 18, 2006 12:17 am 
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Tinlace



Joined: 11 Jan 2006
Posts: 54
Location: Tennessee



Mel, this is so funny, ya had me giggling my ass off.

Post Wed Jan 18, 2006 5:20 am 
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ghost



Joined: 06 Nov 2005
Posts: 2828
Location: MIA


ghost can't comment, she is laughing too much...

ROFL

regards
ghost
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MIA

Post Wed Jan 18, 2006 5:24 am 
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Jules



Joined: 22 Feb 2005
Posts: 904
Location: Home


*agrees with ghost* ROFLMAO
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Never again

Post Wed Jan 18, 2006 7:20 am 
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Tracey



Joined: 30 Dec 2005
Posts: 1489
Location: Ayr, Scotland


ROFPMSL totally awesome Mel


Traceyxxx
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I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

sometimes i wonder... ' why is that frisbee getting bigger'... and then it hits me

Post Wed Jan 18, 2006 6:03 pm 
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bbmaniac



Joined: 05 May 2005
Posts: 248
Location: Houston, TX


Yep...I thought it was funny the first time I read it, and I still think it's absolutely hilarious!!
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For nothing this wide universe I call,
Save thou, my rose; in it thou art my all.

Sonnet 109 - Shakespeare

'I'm just your ordinary, everyday sane-psycho...supergoddess' Liz Phair

--------------------------------------

Post Fri Jan 20, 2006 4:48 pm 
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Mdm Prez



Joined: 19 May 2005
Posts: 1536
Location: U.S. of A.
ORGASMOLOGY





THIS IS HILARIOUS, MEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

'You make me sexified'

I can't believe how talented you are...you astound me.

Cat, Your Completely Orgasmafied and Proud of You Lover

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If you're not getting the answers you want,
you're not asking the right questions.

Post Sat Jan 21, 2006 6:40 pm 
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melons
Site Admin


Joined: 06 Feb 2004
Posts: 2371
Allison

quote:
Originally posted by Allison:
LMAO fantastic...can't stop laughing!
Hey Allison Smile

I love to make people laugh. Glad this did the trick for you Wink

hugs

Mel Cool

Post Sun Jan 22, 2006 12:03 am 
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melons
Site Admin


Joined: 06 Feb 2004
Posts: 2371
Tinlace

quote:
Originally posted by Tinlace:

Mel, this is so funny, ya had me giggling my ass off.


Hiya Tinlace,

I hope your ass is still attached to your hips and torso Wink

Glad you had a giggle,

hugs,

Mel Cool


Last edited by melons on Sun Jan 22, 2006 12:14 am; edited 1 time in total

Post Sun Jan 22, 2006 12:04 am 
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melons
Site Admin


Joined: 06 Feb 2004
Posts: 2371
ghost

quote:
Originally posted by ghost:
ghost can't comment, she is laughing too much...

ROFL

regards
ghost
Hey ghostie Smile

I stumped you for words again then, huh Wink

Anyway, I thought ghosts said wooohooo not ROFL...even if wooohooo is more appropriate for the erotica section Wink

luv'n'hugs

Mel x

Post Sun Jan 22, 2006 12:05 am 
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melons
Site Admin


Joined: 06 Feb 2004
Posts: 2371
Jules

quote:
Originally posted by Jules:
*agrees with ghost* ROFLMAO
Smiling atcha Jules,

do you often agree with ghosts Jules? Wink

Glad you had a laugh *chuckling....this was based on a true conversation and is not that far off what was said Wink

hugs,

mel Cool

Post Sun Jan 22, 2006 12:08 am 
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Jules



Joined: 22 Feb 2005
Posts: 904
Location: Home


Well, ghost is a smart lady, so I imagine that I may agree with her a time or two. However, this poem had me laughing so hard I couldn't breathe, let alone speak!
Jules
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Never again

Post Sun Jan 22, 2006 3:53 am 
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ghost



Joined: 06 Nov 2005
Posts: 2828
Location: MIA


Jules, only a "time or two"????? how disappointing...

Mel, i will have to say something soon, i guess, in the meantime, please bear with me, lol.

just remember that sometimes being left speechless is the best compliment i can give, words dont always suffice.

regards
ghost
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MIA

Post Tue Jan 24, 2006 6:30 am 
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Jules



Joined: 22 Feb 2005
Posts: 904
Location: Home


Dearest Ghosty,
Do not be disappointed, I just haven't seen you in a while!
Jules
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Never again

Post Tue Jan 24, 2006 5:54 pm 
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