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The Angel and the Evil Search Thingy

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Eiregirl



Joined: 21 Jul 2005
Posts: 10230
Location: Chasing a pink bunny
The Angel and the Evil Search Thingy

Being that I hate the Evil Search Thingy I find this story very emotional whether that is laughing my ass off while writing it or cursing the sorry SOB (evil search thingy) while writing it...I hope you enjoy this latest write (the other was a poem) in my quest to have the Evil Search Thingy put out of my misery and replaced with a new improved search thingy.

I just wrote this and have not edited it so if you find mistakes please disregard them or let me know and I will correct them.

The Angel and the Evil Search Thingy in “The quest for the Ultimate Search Thingy”
by Eiregirl

One day a sweet little angel sat down at her computer with a smile. She was very happy for another chance to read some wonderful poems and stories at her favorite site on the world wide web. As she was reading she noticed a wonderful and stupendous poem and wondered if this person had posted any other poems. The angel decided to use the search feature on the site and when she typed in the posters name the Evil Search Thingy reared it ugly head and laughed in her face. The angel looked at her screen and saw that the poster had over 800 posts and thought to herself ‘wow they have posted a lot of poems’ but then she noticed that everything she looked at was…A REPLY. Page after page she looked through all the replies trying to see if there were any more poems by this poster and then out of frustration she sent the poster a PM…
“Hello I just want you to know that I read one of your poems you posted here on Mels and thought it was a fantastic poem and I was wondering if you had posted any other poems. If you have I would love to read them. If you have titles and such it would be appreciated and help in my search.

Thanks for a wonderful poem
Eiregirl”

On the next day our angel received a reply from the poster saying, “Thank you for the wonderful reply to my poem and for wanting to read more of my poems. I have posted several other poems since I have been here but I don’t remember all the titles or where I posted them but here are a couple that I do remember…”

The poster went on to give the angel a few more poems to read and it only increased her desire to want more. After plugging in the titles to the poems in the keyword search using the AND thingy it helped narrow her search to words that must be in the results but still she had to wade through the other clutter to find the actual poems she wanted because the Evil Search Thingy slammed down its clawed hand once again. This still did not deter our heroic angel from her quest to find all the poems by this marvelous poster and other equally marvelous posters. She would spend hours and days searching all the boards page by page looking at each “Thread Starter” and mumbling to herself “what would be so hard about a search by thread starter?” but alas our lovely little angel was starting to grow weary in her quest when she looked once again at the “Search” button at the top of the page. She sat up straight in her chair, reached out and grabbed her glass of water and took a long drink then she glared at the word “Search”. She placed her hand on the mouse and pointed to the evil word and mumbled “you will not defeat me” as she clicked.

Once again she stared at the screen with all it wondrous options and ability to find things if it so desired but it was evil and only wanted to thwart our lovely heroin. She read everything on the screen and clicked every pull down button and read every option until she could close her eyes and recite every single word then she typed in a name for a keyword search…once again the Evil Search Thingy grabbed her by the hair and said “no that is not what you want to look for” and gave her pages of stuff she did not want but she was not deterred from her quest…she would find a way…she must find a way.

Over the next days and weeks she fought and battled the Evil Search Thingy. Once she thought had won as she typed in and “authors” name but once again she found the Evil Search Thingy loved to toy with her because she found the author had ever only posted one time. Still she took this as a victory against the Evil Search Thingy and pressed on.

Her war against the Evil Search Thingy went forward through the weeks and years ahead as she tried every conceivable combination of keywords and options the Evil Search Thingy twisted wiggled out of her grasp and time after time…with determination on her face she would hit “enter” and let the search begin only to find results she did not want or need then she would hunt through hundreds and sometimes thousands of results to find what she wanted.

Breathing heavy from the exertion of battling the Evil Search Thingy our angel looked at the bottom of the screen and saw the letters “phpBB”. She looked at them and wondered ‘do they have any information that could help in my war against the Evil Search Thingy’. She put the letters into a “Lycos” search and found the website she wanted in an instant and thought how satisfying it is to sometimes get what you want.

The angel sat looking at the phpBB site and saw they had a search thingy and decided to use it…for the next two days she would look for and read all she could find about the search thingy but soon she would discover that the phpBB website search thingy was the Evil Search Thingies cousin and was almost as evil but it finally coughed up some results she could use. She noticed the word “userguide” and clicked…

“4.5: Searching
phpBB 2.0 has a search system that will allow you to find topics you are interested in. To get to the search page, click the small Search link at the top of any page.
4.5.1: Search Query
Search for Keywords - You may search for words in the content of topics. Enter the words to search for into the text field.
If you select Search for any terms or use query as entered, then topic containing ANY of the words you entered will be displayed. You may use the AND, OR, and NOT operators to indicate which words you want to search for. Use AND to indicate that multiple words MUST be found. Use OR to indicate that a word is optional/alternate. Use NOT to indicate that a word should not be present in the topics displayed.
If you select Search for all terms, only topics containing all of the words in the query will be displayed. Selecting this option has effects comparable to using Search for any terms or use query as entered, with the AND operator between each term.
You may use the asterisk(*) wildcard character to broaden your search. The asterisk will match any number of characters. So *cheese* will match cheese, cheesewheel, wheelcheese, or wheelcheesewheel. Likewise cheese*fudge will match cheesefudge, cheeseyfudge, or cheese597fudge.
To increase the speed and decrease the overhead of the search utility, only words may be searched for. Phrases (such as "cheese wheel") may not be searched for, except by their component words. The minimum size for words is four characters, and the maximum size is twenty characters. Any non-alphanumeric character (e.g. white space and punctuation) is a word boundary.
Search for Author - You may search for posts by post author. Simply enter the author's username into this text field. You may use the asterisk(*) wildcard in author's names to broaden your search. Again, the asterisk will match any number of characters.
4.5.2: Search Options
Forum - Select the forum you wish to search in, or All available. To search multiple forums, search by Category.
Category - Select the category you wish to search in, or All available.
Display Results as Posts - Search results will be displayed as a list of the posts. Part of the post that matches the query will be displayed, and the search terms highlighted. For each post there is a ling
Display Results as Topics - Search results will be displayed as a list of Topic titles. For each topic there is a link to the forum it is in, the topic itself, and the author of the topic.
Search Previous - This dropdown box will allow you to specify the maximum age of posts to display as results of the search. There are also radio buttons here that will allow you to search only the body of posts, or the subject(title) of the posts as well.
Sort by - This will allow you to specify how search results are organized. You may sort by Post Time, Post Subject, Topic Title, Author, or Forum. The sort may be in ascending or descending order alphabetically (or chronologically where appropriate)
Return first - When Display Results as is set to Posts, this dropdown box will allow you to control how much of the post is displayed in the search result.”

Loaded with this new information our angel set out to once again do battle with the Evil Search Thingy but unknown to her the Evil Search Thingy was well aware of all the new information she had obtained. Once again the Evil Search Thingy would rack its razor sharp claws across her causing her blood to pool upon the hardwood flooring. That was the final straw as she limped from the room to bandage her wounds. With her eyes burning red she was determined to stuff a grenade down the Evil Search Thingies pants and pull the pin. From the door she looked back at the screen and said, “You fucking Evil Search Thingy. You will DIE!”

With her wounds bandaged the angel crawled her way back to the phpBB site and looked around…she noticed a different word…“community”…she clicked it and saw another word…an evil word…“search”…but without fear she clicked it and what did she find…heaven…she found a search thingy that actually lets a person search for “First post of topics only”. She looked on the boards and picked out names, twelve names she picked, she tested everyone of them using various combinations of the search options available at the phpBB “community” and it worked perfectly and then she gave it the ultimate test…“First post of topics only” IT WORKED. Our heroin had found the Ultimate Search Thingy and she had tears in her eyes as she fondly looked at it and rushed off to register…but then she realized this was not Mels, this site does not have poems and stories…this is not “her” community…her home. Even though she found the Ultimate Search Thingy after years of war against the Evil one our heroin was torn between heaven and home. She tilted her head back and decided on what to do…she would go back to her home armed with this new and wondrous information and KILL THE EVIL SEARCH THINGY ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!

Our angel only hopes that the Ultimate Search Thingy is compatible otherwise she may end up kicking the computer across the room and when she does that with her bare feet…IT HURTS.

She looks back at the Ultimate Search Thingy and thinks…I could register and ask them and maybe they would let me post poetry…and change this site from a tech head site to a poetry site…na…our heroin rushes off to Mels to spread the word of the Ultimate Search Thingy.
_________________
All poems and stories posted by Eiregirl are Copyright 2005 - 2008 Aoibhegréine These literary works are my property under copyright. If you wish to use my work for any purpose please ASK FIRST.

Post Mon Dec 17, 2007 7:57 pm 
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Allison



Joined: 12 Oct 2005
Posts: 4216
Location: Florida


Kill it? LMAO

Alli
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Alli

Post Mon Dec 17, 2007 11:15 pm 
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Eiregirl



Joined: 21 Jul 2005
Posts: 10230
Location: Chasing a pink bunny


YES!!! Allison we need to kill the Evil Search Thingy and replace it with the Ultimate Search Thingy like they have at the phpBB website community.

The sweet angel has bashed her head against the wall fighting the Evil Search Thingy for years and now (after stubbing my toe getting pissed at it) I want some satisfaction...I want the ULTIMATE Search Thingy...it works...it does what it is suppose to and it was soooooooo wonderful to see it work and give me what I wanted.

Now that I know it is possible to search for thread starters (which I already knew) but know I know phpBB has one so I say....

DOWN WITH THE EVIL SEARCH THINGY

UP WITH THE ULTIMATE SEARCH THINGY
_________________
All poems and stories posted by Eiregirl are Copyright 2005 - 2008 Aoibhegréine These literary works are my property under copyright. If you wish to use my work for any purpose please ASK FIRST.

Post Tue Dec 18, 2007 12:59 am 
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MeliPiper



Joined: 07 Nov 2007
Posts: 228
Location: New Hampshire


goodluck with the ultimate search thingy erie!

Post Tue Dec 18, 2007 2:12 am 
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DamagedGoods



Joined: 13 May 2006
Posts: 550


Eire,

First, you never fail to make me laugh. If the whole world had your imagination so many more fantastic and amazing creations would exist.

So, the new and wonderful Search Thingy... How hard would it be to get it for Mels? Do you know the cost? It should be a simple code to add, have you spoken to Mel to see if this is a viable option?

Also... if your campaign works would this fix the Even More Incredibly Evil GALLERY Search Thingy? Cos that is truly the device from HELL!!

Good luck on your mission... you have boldly chosen to go where no Mellion has ever gone before and I salute your courage!

Exclamation DG
_________________
All poems posted by me, unless otherwise stated, are written by me, DamagedGoods, and are ©2002-2009 and must not be used anywhere else without written permission and my copyright details in tact. Thank you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Post Tue Dec 18, 2007 3:08 am 
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Eiregirl



Joined: 21 Jul 2005
Posts: 10230
Location: Chasing a pink bunny


quote:
Originally posted by MelisAnne:
goodluck with the ultimate search thingy erie!


Our angel traveled back to the phpBB website community and registered so that she can post questions if and when needed to find out more information about the Ultimate Search Thingy and to possibly ask if she could maybe take the Ultimate Search Thingy for a test drive if needed. While our angel was at the "community" she again used the Ultimate Search Thingy but this time as a registered member of the "community" and IT WORKED PERFECTLY...she had an orgasmic experience seeing the Ultimate Search Thingy in action.

Thank you Melisanne for your wonderful support.

Be sure the check out and sign the Petition posted on the General Boards under General Chit Chat Very Happy

Eiregirl Arrow
_________________
All poems and stories posted by Eiregirl are Copyright 2005 - 2008 Aoibhegréine These literary works are my property under copyright. If you wish to use my work for any purpose please ASK FIRST.

Post Tue Dec 18, 2007 6:46 pm 
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Eiregirl



Joined: 21 Jul 2005
Posts: 10230
Location: Chasing a pink bunny


quote:
Originally posted by DamagedGoods:
Eire,

First, you never fail to make me laugh. If the whole world had your imagination so many more fantastic and amazing creations would exist.

So, the new and wonderful Search Thingy... How hard would it be to get it for Mels? Do you know the cost? It should be a simple code to add, have you spoken to Mel to see if this is a viable option?

Also... if your campaign works would this fix the Even More Incredibly Evil GALLERY Search Thingy? Cos that is truly the device from HELL!!

Good luck on your mission... you have boldly chosen to go where no Mellion has ever gone before and I salute your courage!

Exclamation DG


DG,

I am very pleased to make you laugh...it is a pleasure

How hard would it be to get the “Ultimate Search Thingy” for Melsland? I have no idea. The limited research I have done over the past couple of days suggests (no fact or certainty) that Mels is using phpBB2 and the “community” I visited in my quest for the “Ultimate Search Thingy” is most likely using phpBB3 and it has an “Advanced Search” which from the best of my ability to determine is why a person could search for “First post of topics only” (Thread starters) by using authors name or whatever. From the few people I have talked to about whether or not Melsland could implement it say that it would depend on the code used and if it was compatible it would most likely require tweaking to fit the board and that could require some minor or extensive tweaking.

Cost…I don’t know…again the best I can determine at the moment is that the entire program (phpBB3 the suspected container of the Ultimate Search Thingy) is a free download but again I stress I am currently not certain that phpBB3 is the program and I am NOT certain it is free but from what I have read on that site suggests it is.

I have not yet spoken to Mel about what I have found but if she remembers the times I have mentioned my frustration about the current search capability of our current search engine then she knows how much I hate it but I am not certain she yet knows how far my hate for it has progressed but I am certain that with the array of posts I have made the past few days she will soon find out and I also sent her a PM asking…“Can we get rid of the Evil Search thingy and/or replace it with the Ultimate Search Thingy?”

I am going to check into it further but I am not a techno type person in regards to anything like this but I am currently infiltrating the phpBB community and once I have won them over I will begin my espionage activity in an attempt to discover the secrets of the Ultimate Search Thingy and whether or not it would be a viable candidate for Melsland and what would have to be done to make it fit in with us...it may have to undergo the knife ye know.

Will this fix the Search Thingy from Hell that haunts the Gallery…I don’t know…I would think they are linked or are the same but…don’t know.

Thank you for your support and be sure to sign the petition posted on the General Board under General Chit Chat

Hugs,
Eiregirl Arrow
_________________
All poems and stories posted by Eiregirl are Copyright 2005 - 2008 Aoibhegréine These literary works are my property under copyright. If you wish to use my work for any purpose please ASK FIRST.

Post Tue Dec 18, 2007 7:24 pm 
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sillywolf



Joined: 09 Jul 2007
Posts: 311
Location: The last frontier


eire you made me laugh so hard I'm starting to cry... it's so funny! Hopefully the little angel will get over her toe ache *grins* and be able to defeat (KILL!!) the evil search thingy once and for all!!

great little story eire!!

Silly Exclamation
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Smile. It makes people wonder.

Post Sat Dec 22, 2007 3:57 am 
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Beth



Joined: 01 Jan 2008
Posts: 336
Location: Michigan


Laughing LMAO





Beth
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StarGazer

Post Sat Jan 05, 2008 9:39 pm 
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desert-fish



Joined: 13 Apr 2006
Posts: 2777
Location: deleted


good grief e-girl Laughing

Post Tue Jan 29, 2008 5:59 pm 
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