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Black - Feedback, please

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Alegria



Joined: 08 Aug 2006
Posts: 46
Black - Feedback, please

Black

Red. Red everywhere. The red of blood, raining down from the sky. You are trapped, and no matter how hard you try to fight it you will remain that way. People scream. People run. But they are trapped too. Trapped within their minds, just as you are. Trapped inside the horror of death, the horror of unknowingness.

Red falls down around you, covering you completely. Everything is red, everything is blending together. What is up? What is down? You do not feel the earth beneath your feet. Instead you are floating, high above the world. But you cannot see. You can hear the screaming, can sense the running. You might be the one running. Or you might be the one on the floor. You do not know.

All you do know is the floating sensation. Floating through the red of fear. Floating through the fear of your own mind. You wish to reach out and grab something. A person, a chair, a tree, anything to pull yourself back. But you are unable to do anything but think and wish. Your body is left behind, your soul lost in the maze of empty red atmosphere. You are alone, and yet you still hear screaming. A gunshot rings out. Again. And again. And again until the screaming is gone.

The red thickens around you, darkening your vision until it is all you can see, all you can smell, all you can feel. All you can hear. Silence. Silence and throbbing. Then comes the pain. Then comes the earth, rushing up beneath you until you can feel your body pressed against it. Screaming has turned to crying, and yet you still can only see red. It clings to you, sticky and syrupy. The pain is twisting into fire, searing away upon your skin.

You open your eyes. The ceiling above you is spotted with red. The red of blood. Blood is pooled around you, pooled beneath you. Pooled around the person lying beside you, congealing to black. Someone is kneeling beside you, talking to you. You cannot hear, and once again your vision starts to fade. Not to red, but to black. Black is now consuming you until you can know nothing else. It creeps over your body, enveloping you in its dark embrace.

And you let go. Let go and fade into the black until it brings you to the light.
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The truth is rarely pure and never simple. Modern life would be very tedious if it were either, and modern literature a complete impossibility!

Post Wed Apr 18, 2007 5:49 pm 
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Kat222



Joined: 24 Apr 2007
Posts: 16
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio


very disturbing. hope you aren't the one that was shot. good job though

Post Fri Apr 27, 2007 3:48 am 
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Alegria



Joined: 08 Aug 2006
Posts: 46


Thank you. And no, I was not the one that was shot. ^_~
_________________
The truth is rarely pure and never simple. Modern life would be very tedious if it were either, and modern literature a complete impossibility!

Post Fri Apr 27, 2007 2:39 pm 
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