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Story Forum Index -> Emotional Lesbian Stories

Behind a mask...

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Lil Einjeru



Joined: 24 Apr 2007
Posts: 133
Location: Somewhere in Malaysia
Behind a mask...

I'm standing outside my hostel corridor as I stared down on both my hands. These hands that had helped me in my life... Not only in my life, but it has helped to bring people happiness, helped them in their love relationship, their life, friendship, family and more. Sounds like god doesn't it? Well the fact? These hands were never god, I were never god... I was a nobody, someone who people takes advantage on...

I know how it feels to be left alone not to mention being back stabbed. People that is surrounding you... people who smile to you, saying sweet and nice things to you... Do you ever think they are fakers? Do you ever think that they did that for a purpose? I don't know... I have never set in mind on being good to someone with that intention... But can someone read your mind for it? No one is telepathy.

So much that I have helped, so much that I have done. There was nothing in return. I never asked for anything... I only asked for friendship... a real friendship. I love to help, to see people's smiling face it makes me happy from the within. Why am I doing so? Its pretty much because there was no one to help me like that. There was no one with me when I needed help. As I said... I was a nobody... more like a loner. I look down at both my hands now... The pain that I have received... These hands that once yells for someone that I love... Someone that I have helped so much in her life. I helped her with these two hands and with my heart. From the devastated her... to see her standing tall with confidence.

Despite the pain that I had when I helped her... I never bothered. I knew it was wrong to like her... and I knew it was impossible. What can I say? She was straight and I'm not. She opens up to me, expresses all her problems. From friendship to love life... I helped her step by step. It hurts me to see her in pain... but it hurts me more to know she was in love with someone at that moment... But I still helped her. It makes me happy to know that I'm starting to be part of her life.

But then... After all that I have done? Want to know what I get back? I was ignored. I was like a nobody to her. I brought her faith, confidence, happiness even friendship. A real friendship despite the fact that I, myself was being hated, left out, isolated and lost almost all of my best buddies. And now... she just turns her back on me and walk off. She never bothered to understand me... She never bothered to talk to me until I talk to her. My room, the room that I shared with my roommate... She said it was her second room... I always thought that she meant it... Reality is so much of a difference. Why I said so? Its merely because she only comes to see my roommate.

Yea... She comes to see my roommate and never bothered to talk to me even when I am in the room until I started talking. What were all the hugs you gave me? Those word you said that you cared for me? Was it all lies? Why? I really wanted to know the answer. I never complain of anything.

I hope she could think back... the time when I endured her heart piercing words when she was sad. I was there to held her hands and help her up... I forgive all the mistake she has done to me... Was it wrong for me to do so? What have I done wrong... where has gone wrong? I wish you could be honest and just tell me... If you don't like me as a friend... I would just walk off... I would respect your decision... I would do anything to make your happy...

If you want me out from my room to be with my roommate alone to talk and laugh like no one's business, I would gladly walk out from my room letting you have your time... It doesn't matter if I had to sit on top of the roof or at the corridor for hours... I just wanted you to be happy and to be honest...
To forget you is something hard for me to do... But all I can do... Just keep smiling.

I'm much of a faker myself... I smile when I am sad. I hide all my pain and suffering as deep as I can and place a smile for you. You often said to me “I really do care for you like a family... you are as important as a little sister to me and I really really cared for you...” With the smile you gave me and those words, my heart ached more and more... because now I knew... It was all lies... I never told you that I know... all because I was hoping you would tell me honestly... Now... All I feel is only pain... emptiness... cold... lonely...

I look at myself at the mirror on each passing day... The fact that I looked like a pure zombie... Lacking of sleep... no mood to eat, depressed, unable to concentrate... I even fell flat and wounded my knee badly that I was unable to walk or bend my knees... What happened to my mask that I always used to shelter my emotion? It was shattered... The only mask that I owned to hide myself... to put myself behind the mask and mask everything... Its no longer there...

I was never strong... I was never good in anything... The only thing that I could do is only to help and offer a smile. But now... I'm nothing. I lead her to the path she needed to move to... and now I have lost my path... I helped you gain confidence... I don't have mine anymore... You have the friends you need... those friends who are good for you... I lost mine...

I am really lost... I don't even know how to live pass a day now... All I wish is to sleep all day long and never bother to get up... but I can never do that... My both hands which is now filled my droplet of tears... There was no one to held on it... I can feel how cold it is...

I am lost... and I can never hide... behind a mask anymore...


Lil Einjeru...
Shattered to lil bits and nothing left...

Post Tue Jul 08, 2008 1:12 pm 
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angelsheart



Joined: 19 Nov 2006
Posts: 496
Location: Nis/ Serbia


Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy yyyyouuuu theeerrreee, don t talk like this!!!!

Head up, immidiatelly!!!

You should never question your dids in lovng someone and when we love we should give without a question beside the fact that we can be injured... It happened to me, too, but we all should never give up!!! It is such a deep down , you are in now, but I want to see the smile on the face and in your eyes RIGHT NOW and listen to me: NOBODY DESERVES YOU AND YOUR HEART, FEELINGS, HELP, LOVE, FRIENDSHIP AND STUFF IF THOSE PEOPLE ARE JERKS, LIL!!!


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There used to be a grayin' tower all alone on the sea... You became the light on the dark side of me...

Post Sat Jul 19, 2008 8:17 pm 
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EverydayAngelKarie



Joined: 07 Mar 2007
Posts: 761
Location: Lakewood, CA


i didn't really know what to say after reading this, but i wanted to let you know that i read this and enjoyed it. Exclamation nice story, lil. Exclamation

Post Sun Jul 20, 2008 9:08 am 
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Alpenglow



Joined: 02 Feb 2007
Posts: 607


end

Last edited by Alpenglow on Sat Sep 20, 2008 7:50 am; edited 1 time in total

Post Sun Jul 20, 2008 9:26 am 
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Lil Einjeru



Joined: 24 Apr 2007
Posts: 133
Location: Somewhere in Malaysia


thanks a lot... i do feel much better despite the fact that i'm still being ignored up until today. Guess i should get use to it...


Lil Einjeru...
Recovering slowly...

Post Mon Jul 21, 2008 7:03 am 
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Lil Einjeru



Joined: 24 Apr 2007
Posts: 133
Location: Somewhere in Malaysia


-huggy Jceh- Thanks a lot Jceh... I will try to heal faster... I've not been myself and my grades are dropping really fast... Wish me luck on this assignment.

Lil Einjeru...
Trying to crawl after falling...


Last edited by Lil Einjeru on Wed Jul 23, 2008 7:22 am; edited 1 time in total

Post Tue Jul 22, 2008 9:28 am 
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sillywolf



Joined: 09 Jul 2007
Posts: 311
Location: The last frontier


aww lile your story pulled my heart... i dont really know what to say other than what others have said... cos theyre right... but keep your head up! its gunna get better! And always remember... your friends here on mels are ALWAYS going to be here for you!

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((lile)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

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Smile. It makes people wonder.

Post Wed Jul 23, 2008 2:07 am 
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Lil Einjeru



Joined: 24 Apr 2007
Posts: 133
Location: Somewhere in Malaysia


-hugs wolfie back- I'll never doubt the friends i have here because i love all of you guys. Thanks alot wolfie.


Lil Einjeru
Needs to get better..

Post Wed Jul 23, 2008 7:15 am 
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