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The Ache
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Raven



Joined: 20 Jan 2005
Posts: 1409
Location: Basking in the Garden
The Ache

CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL STORY


You desire what you cannot have, the words repeated over and over again in my mind.

Grumbling I rolled over in bed and threw the covers off. The chill air seeped into my skin, but parts of me I was trying desperately to ignore still felt exceedingly warm and moist. It was those damn memories; they came like flashes of lighting. Bam, there’s those startling green eyes. Boom, there’s that silky skin. Blast, there’s those fingertip caresses across my lips again. We hadn’t spoken in over a week, but her breath still teased my ear when I wasn’t concentrating. It was painful. Unbearable. And yet, no matter how hard I’d tried I couldn’t part with them. I needed them. I ached for them. Memories were all I had now.

At this point, severely depressed and realizing sleep just wasn’t going to be had tonight, I sat up and looked at the clock. It was five in the morning, ‘Before Day’ as I called it, and way to early for me normally. Running through my options I decided to take a shower, get dressed, and skip breakfast. Halfway through my shower I realized that that last decision was a mistake. Stomach growling like some wild animal, I headed for the kitchen.

Opening the door to my room, I stepped into the darkness of the quaint little apartment’s common room. For some unfathomable reason the apartment designers hadn’t placed any electrical sockets on this side of the room. I had to stubble all the way to the middle of the room, where beside the couch a tall lamp stood. Fumbling with the switch, the light finally came on.

Blinking sleepily and wincing at the sudden light, two pools of never-ending green eyes stared questionably up at me.

Frozen, I stood staring breathlessly down at the couch. Bam, boom, blast the memories overtook my mind. Struggling to regain control I turned away.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you were in here,” I mumbled my first words to her in over a week. “Was headed for the kitchen.”

That said, I fled across the remainder of the room and flicked on the lights to the kitchen.

“You can turn the lamp off if you want,” I said, reaching for the door to the cereal cabinet.

Hiding behind the opened cabinet, I took my first true breath and tried to steady my racing heart. I heard movement from the couch and then the lamp went out. Pulling out the Fruit Loops I used the counter top facing away from the common room to fix my bowl. With my mind spinning from images of her lying on the couch, it wasn’t until I finished pouring my milk that I felt the eyes on my back. Unsure of all my actions now, and not daring to turn back around and face her, I got a spoon from the drawer and ate right there on the counter top.

Finishing one bowl, still to nervous to turn around, I fixed another. After the third bowl I realized I was going to have to turn around sometime. Leaving my dirty dishes in the sink, I turned around praying that she’d stopped watching me and fallen back to sleep. No such luck.

Lying on her side, resting her head on her arm she watched me with hooded eyes. Running my tongue across my suddenly dry lips I glanced around the room searching for inspiration.

“Why are you up?” Her sweet voice caught me by surprise.

“What?” I asked unintelligently.

“It’s Before Day,” she used my words. “Why are you up and about?”
Not about to tell her why I’d spent the entire night sleepless or about what had forced me up at this ungodly hour, I starred stupidly at the arm of the couch. Feeling the tension, I blurted out what came to mind first, “Why are you here? To drunk to stumble all the way to your room?”

The light in her green eyes dimmed and an emotion flashed across her face to quickly for me to interpret. I called myself all kinds of names and kicked myself mentally. An apology ached to slip from my lips but pride held my tongue.

I could say worse to her , a part of my mind thought in anger. She’s said much worse to me. Helplessly, I was unable to stop the words from entering my mind again.

You desire what you cannot have.

Pain pounded in my heart and anger rose in my cheeks. My emotions battled for dominance, and in the end defeat won out. Weak and tired to my very core I started for the door. The air was too hot, the apartment too small. Grabbing my keys from the stand near the door I reached for the lock but her voice froze me in place. She’d finally decided to respond.

“I think,” her voice dripped with disgust, “If anyone knows anything about coming home drunk it’s not me.”

My cheeks colored, my ears burned. Nearly a week ago today I’d come in three o’clock in the morning barley able to unlock the door. She’d found me sprawled out on the floor, half in and half out the door. I’d awaken with her touch, but she still had to help me to my bed. From the door to my bed I threw up on her twice. I didn’t normally drink. In fact I rarely ever drank. But that night I’d needed a drink – or two or three or six. That night she’d left me no choice.

Before those memories could return or she could say more I unlocked the door and fled into the world.


- End of Part 1, More to Come Soon
Let me know what you think of it so far.[/url]
_________________
Love is my Salvation and Destruction.


Last edited by Raven on Wed Jan 21, 2015 5:09 am; edited 1 time in total

Post Thu Jan 20, 2005 2:16 pm 
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Raven



Joined: 20 Jan 2005
Posts: 1409
Location: Basking in the Garden


Leaning back against the couch with a sigh Marissa closed her eyes and tried not to cry. She’d not meant to bring that night up, but she’d been hurt by Raven’s words. Probably because they rang to close to the truth, she acknowledged to herself regrettably. Last night, her head reeling from two too many shots of vodka, she’d decided that the couch was comfortable enough and quietly passed out there.

I guess I should just be happy that she’s finally talking to me again.

For the past week Marissa had done everything short of dropping to her knees and begging Raven to kiss her. First she’d tried hinting at her feeling, but she couldn’t tell if Raven grasped her meaning, let alone if she shared Marissa’s affection. Raven would only shrug, nod, shake her head, rush to her room and close the door for the rest of the night.

With hints not working and herself not comfortable enough to really say how she felt, Marissa had then tried every excuse in the book to touch Raven. But no matter what she did Raven wouldn’t respond - except negatively. She’d recoil and a look of disgust would cross her face. After that she’d dash to her room and Marisa would spend another night alone in the common room hoping Raven would return. But of course she never did.

I think, Derrick was wrong. She doesn’t feel anything for me – except now maybe repulsion. This morning was proof of that. She didn’t even want to eat near me. I can’t take this any more. Marissa sat up. We’ve got to talk, and soon. Today.

Standing Marissa went to her room to get herself ready, her stomach already doing flip-flops.
_________________
Love is my Salvation and Destruction.

Post Fri Jan 21, 2005 7:45 pm 
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kendall



Joined: 24 Jan 2005
Posts: 99
Location: New York, US


more please...i like this story
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49er FAN 4 LIFE.

Post Tue Feb 22, 2005 6:59 pm 
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tin_tin_tin



Joined: 24 Feb 2005
Posts: 1
Location: philippines


i like it.. more please.. Ü Smile

Post Thu Feb 24, 2005 4:19 am 
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Jules



Joined: 22 Feb 2005
Posts: 904
Location: Home


I like it too, waiting for more...

Post Fri Feb 25, 2005 3:15 pm 
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Raven



Joined: 20 Jan 2005
Posts: 1409
Location: Basking in the Garden


Will I give it to you? *very slow smile*
Oh, I shall give you many, many, many more things.

- How could I not, My Temptress.

--------------------------

I was orginally talking to Raven's Tempt but all posts made during that time were lost in the hack (just didn't want you all thinking I was talking to mysef lol)
_________________
Love is my Salvation and Destruction.


Last edited by Raven on Sun Sep 11, 2005 4:51 am; edited 1 time in total

Post Sat Mar 26, 2005 3:09 am 
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Raven



Joined: 20 Jan 2005
Posts: 1409
Location: Basking in the Garden


When I decided to finally return home it was around noon. I’d spent the early morning sitting on a bench in the park, watching runners jog by through watery eyes. Tired of crying and hoping to cease thinking of Marissa, I exhausted the rest of the morning by making all the little runs I had planned for the weekend. I went to the grocery store. All the fruit looked rotten. I went shopping. Nothing fit. I stopped by my brother’s place. He kept smiling, so I left. In the end, watching my carton of ice cream begin to melt, I realized I had nothing left to do but return to the apartment.

Starting my car, I took a deep breath and prepared myself for what might be waiting for me at home. Last week when I’d returned home the sight of things had crushed my heart and started the ball rolling on my current week of hell. I recalled it all with a shudder.
_________________
Love is my Salvation and Destruction.

Post Wed Mar 30, 2005 11:39 pm 
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Raven



Joined: 20 Jan 2005
Posts: 1409
Location: Basking in the Garden


“Raven! Your home,” Marissa’s voice instantly brought a smile to my face as I’d opened the door. It was just as quickly erased as I spotted Derrick on the couch beside her.

“Hey,” my voice was dull and lifeless as I closed the door and dropped my weary body into the chair near the couch. I let my purse and bags slide to the floor beside me.

“Long day?” Derrick smiled friendly.

“Something like that,” I said eyeing his arm around her waist. I folded my arms around me to keep my hands from doing something they shouldn’t.

“We were just going to start a movie. Wanna watch with us?” Marissa asked, her smile threatening to over take her face.

Despite my desire to leave, I’d been missing Marissa all day. Derrick was an inconvenience I’d happily rid myself of but if this was the only way I could spend time with her then . . . to hell with him.

“Sure,” I smiled weakly.

And so we started the movie. Marissa lying in Derrick arms, Derrick resting his hand on her thigh, and me holding myself in a feeble attempt to keep my feelings in check.

I didn’t even make it to the title screen before my eyes wandered over to her.

Getting home earlier than I did, she’d already changed out of her workday clothes into something more comfortable; a tight little tee that parted in the middle of her chest exposing a tantalizing amount of cleavage, and equally tight jeans that left little of her shapely long legs to the imagination. Her thick ebony hair was loose and the little rivulet of hair that she always seemed to be brushing haphazardly out of her bright green eye was on the brink of falling into her face.

I couldn’t help it, my imagination went wild.

I pictured myself brushing her hair away with a light sweep of my fingers. Then I saw my fingers tracing their way down her jaw line and caressing her soft lips.

Her tongue trailed behind my fingers and no longer able to fight my urges I leaned in and kissed her. She moaned and a shiver ran up my spine. Then I smiled as I felt her hands in my hair pulling me closer. Mouths parted, our tongues reached out, found each other, and began a dance that had my heart threatening to burst.

Breaking away from her lips I left a slow trail of kisses from her mouth, down her neck, and to her lovely cleavage. Her body trembling beneath by touch, I ran my hands up under her shirt and removed her bra. Gently kneading her breasts beneath her shirt I continued to kiss the parts exposed above. My thumbs played with her nipples until they grew firm. Head tilted back, eyes closed, she moaned again and my mouth watered to have one of those stiff little nipples in my mouth. Leaning back I started to pull her shirt up when a hand interposed itself, rapping around her waist.

Slapped back to reality, blinking in confusion, breathing a little heavily, I found myself sitting alone in my chair, watching as across the room Derrick tightened his grip around Marissa’s waist.

Brown eyes met blue and I realized he’d been watching me. My face instantly flushed as I thought in dread what expressions must have crossed my face as I’d daydreamed about her. A slight smile played across his mouth and my embarrassment was quickly replaced with anger. I glared at him in my best “Fuck you!” look. He only smiled more.

Standing up I excused myself, “Sorry guys I forgot I need to make a call before it gets to late.”

She stared up at me in confusion. “We can pause it?” Her voice sounded so wounded that I almost relented, but then I spotted the smug blue eyes again and stood my ground.

“That’s okay, I’ll probably be a while. You two,” I nearly choked on the words, “You two go ahead and have fun.”

She looked disappointed. I ignored the look and the fluttering in my stomach. Escaping to my room I closed the door securely behind me and flopped, work clothes and all, onto my bed.

“God, what am I doing,” I whispered helplessly to myself. I felt powerless. Vulnerable. Totally out of my element. No matter what I told it not to feel, my body ached for her. Ached for her touch. Her lips. Her caress. Her kiss.

I groaned and rolled over in bed quiet aware of where my thoughts were about to go. She rules my dreams already she needn’t haunt my every waking moment too.

Trying to take my mind off of her I decided to go with my lie. Make a phone call Raven. You’re supposed to call mom today anyway. Since she was long distance and the apartment line was just local, I went to reach for my cell phone, surprised when it wasn’t on my side table where I always kept it.

Realizing I’d left my cell phone in my purse back in the common room I clicked my tongue in disgust. Now I’d have to go back out there and see more of the two of them together. My stomach cringed at the thought. Stealing myself for what I was about to see I got up and opened the door silently. The door only cracked, I froze as I realized they were talking about me.

“I think she likes you.” The idiot was smiling.

Instantly my heart began hammering in my chest. Blood rushed up like a tidal wave to my face, filling my ears with a constant throbbing sensation. I shook my head trying to hear around my body’s reaction. There was such a long pause that I feared I’d missed her reply, then I heard her lovely voice.

“Who, Raven?” Innocence and shock.

“Yeah,” Derrick said. Leaning in closer he added conspiratorially, “I mean come on, have you seen the way she looks at you? Or me for that matter. Every time I touch you it’s like she wants to rip my throat out or something.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m not!” He leaned back grinning. “She wants you babe.”

The act of breathing forgotten, I strained to hear what she’d say next. There was only silence. Derrick seemed as impatient as I.

“Well?” he insisted.

“Well what?”

“Well do you feel the same way?”

It felt as if my whole being depended on what came from those perfect lips next.

“No,” short and to the point my world collapse around me. She doesn’t care about me. The thought slammed into my mind rocking me as if I’d actually been physically hit.

Turning away from the door my eyes fluttered around my room not pausing on anything in particular and not recognizing anything they glimpsed. My hand seemed to rise to my throat of it’s own accord. My windpipe seemed blocked. I gasped for air. The room was spinning. She doesn’t care about me. A tear splashed against my hand. Then another. And another. Everything was a watery blur. She doesn’t care about me. I sunk to my knees still struggling to get air to my lung.

Disloyally, my ears continued to pick-up the conversation in the next room.

“Aw come on, babe,” the jerk wined. “There’s desire in those lovely brown eyes of hers. I only think it right if we,” he emphasized the last word, “help her out.”

Vomit rose and I chocked it back down.

“No!” she said adamantly, plunging the final knife into my heart. She doesn’t care!

It was too much. My body was on fire inside, my fingers cold to the touch. Breathing hard I wiped the tears away. I’ve got to go. Got to get out of here. And so I did.

Opening my door, I walked right past them and towards the door. Vaguely I remembered seeing Derrick smile, and hearing Marissa ask me where I was going. I started to stop and slap that ugly grin off the idiot’s face, but that would mean having to answer her, so I quickened my pace, snatched up my purse, and yanked the door close behind me.
_________________
Love is my Salvation and Destruction.

Post Wed Mar 30, 2005 11:48 pm 
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Raven



Joined: 20 Jan 2005
Posts: 1409
Location: Basking in the Garden


I shook my head at my thoughts. That was last week Raven. You know better now. Again the words, You desire what you cannot have. Returning home I relaxed finding Marissa gone from the couch and the common room empty.
_________________
Love is my Salvation and Destruction.

Post Wed Mar 30, 2005 11:50 pm 
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Raven



Joined: 20 Jan 2005
Posts: 1409
Location: Basking in the Garden


She has a real love for that, Marissa thought with irritation as from her room she listened to Raven enter the apartment and slam first the main door and then shortly the door to her room. She’s been doing that all freaking week. Shoot, she did it this morning. Marissa had been waiting for hours for Raven to return from her morning escape. In that time Marissa had talked herself out of confronting Raven, back into it, and back out of it. Her emotions raw and exposed she pushed an annoying bit of hair from her eyes and decided to bite the bullet. She couldn’t go on like this anymore. Raven, whether she knew it or not, had complete control over her every feeling. If Raven frowned, Marissa grew upset. If she smiled, Marissa’s day was beautiful. Just last week Raven had decided not to watch a movie with her and Derrick and Marissa had instantly become depressed. She’d continued watching the movie, but had not truly been aware of what she was looking at until Derrick had interrupted her thoughts.
_________________
Love is my Salvation and Destruction.

Post Wed Mar 30, 2005 11:51 pm 
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Raven



Joined: 20 Jan 2005
Posts: 1409
Location: Basking in the Garden


Derrick was smiling intently at her she realized.

“What,” she finally relented as she shifted on the couch.

“I think she likes you.”

Instantly images of brown eyes, full lips, and a playful smile flooded her mind. Her heart raced. She blinked hard, but couldn’t quite remove the images of Raven from her mind. She could hear her laughter echoing in her ears, smell her jasmine perfume, see her round little bottom swaying as she walked. Her senses completely overwhelmed, she pretended to misunderstand.

“Who, Raven?” She squeaked.

“Yeah,” Derrick said.

She felt goose bumps fluttered up and down her spine and it wasn’t because Derrick was leaning in closer.

“I mean come on, have you seen the way she looks at you? Or me for that matter. Every time I touch you it’s like she wants to rip my throat out or something.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” She said struggling not to show her excitement.

“I’m not!” He leaned back grinning. “She wants you babe.”

Her eyes glazed over. Derrick disappeared and Raven was suddenly before her. She was smiling, her cinnamon eyes capturing Marissa’s own. The air seemed on fire. A passion too intense to ignore swirled in her stomach. Marissa reached out and stroked Raven’s cheek. Raven smiled at the touch and Marissa forgot to breath. She could see Raven leaning in closer. Slowly licking her lips. Her smile slowly vanishing as the fire in her dark eyes grew more intent. Intent on Marissa’s mouth. Marissa leaned forward, prepared to meet her halfway. Just as their lips were about to meet Derrick interrupted.

“Well?” he insisted.

“Well what?” It came out sounding snappish.

“Well do you feel the same way?”

She swallowed, “No.” The lie tasted dirty in her mouth.

She turned back to the TV staring blankly at the screen. She prayed he’d drop the subject but she felt a hand slide along her leg towards her knee.

“Aw come on, babe,” Derrick pressed. “There’s desire in those lovely brown eyes of hers. I only think it right if we,” he punctuated the last word, “help her out.”

“No!” she said forcefully, the thought of Derrick touching Raven repulsing her.

Derrick accurately judged the conversation over and thankfully didn’t say more, but he continued to stare at her. Shifting nervously on the couch she nearly jumped out of her skin as Raven flew by her.

“Where are you going?” she asked as she realized she was headed for the door.

Raven didn’t even pause. She grabbed her purse and left, slamming the door loudly behind her. Marissa winced at the impact. Staring stupidly at the door in utter confusion she squeaked as she felt Derrick’s hand back on her knee.

“Wonder what the hell that was about?” he smiled impishly.

She shook her head in bewilderment. “That wasn’t like her. Not telling me where she’s going.” Shifting on the couch Marissa reached for the phone, “I need to call her.”

Knowing the number by heart, she quickly punched it in. She let Raven’s cell ring until the voicemail picked up.

“Hey Raven, it’s me, Marissa. Is everything all right? You ran out of here in a hurry.” She paused unsure what to say next. “Look, give me a call when you get this so I know you’re okay. Talk to you soon.”

She hung up feeling more concerned than she had before the phone call.

Derrick tried to direct her attention back to him. Starting the movie up again he pulled her into his arms, but her worry kept her stiff and distracted even as his hands and lips wandered about her body. She lost all sense of time and was shocked when suddenly the movie ended. She set up with a start.

She’s been gone almost two hours, she felt her anxiety double.

“Whatda wanna do now?” Derrick grinned, running his hand all the way up her thigh. “I’ve got a few ideas,” he winked.

She wasn’t sure why but suddenly she felt nauseous.

Thankfully Derrick was observant. “You don’t look to well, hun. You coming down with a cold?”

She went with it and feigned tiredness. Derrick was as expected quiet disappointed, and it took a quite a bit of maneuvering and a promise to have dinner Tuesday night to finally get him to leave. It was then that her pacing began.

Where is she? Pace, pace, turn.

What’s wrong? Why’d she just storm out like that? More pacing. Turn
Was it the phone call? Was there an emergency?

She froze. Was it me?

Oh God, did she overhear Derrick and me talking? She resumed her pacing. Oh, Lord, what must she think? She has to have seen right threw my shabby attempts to hind my feeling for her. Turn. Oh Jesus, she knows! And judging by her response she must hate me.

Pacing she wiped a stray hair out of her eye impatiently. No. No. No! Get a grip ‘Rissa. Everything isn’t always about you. There are a thousand and one reasons she could have left.

Sharp turn. God damn it, where is she?

Marissa finally realized it was going to be a long time before Raven returned so she setup her wait-watch-and-worry operation on the couch. There she stayed for the remainder of the night. The television on and blaring, she fell asleep sometime after 1:30.

A loud thump woke her hours later.
_________________
Love is my Salvation and Destruction.

Post Thu Mar 31, 2005 12:02 am 
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Raven



Joined: 20 Jan 2005
Posts: 1409
Location: Basking in the Garden


Sorry ladies, it'll be another few days before I add the new stuff. I'm still editing and real life has been taking up most of my time this week. Just wanted to repost what i had before so a friend could see.

I'll try to have something new soon.
Kisses
_________________
Love is my Salvation and Destruction.

Post Thu Mar 31, 2005 12:07 am 
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DarkChyldesKiss
Site Admin


Joined: 29 Mar 2005
Posts: 3381
Location: Inner Sanctum


Raven

Excellent write. I am waiting for the next tidbit you offer us.

DarkChyldesKiss

Post Wed Apr 06, 2005 6:57 pm 
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suncoastgirl



Joined: 25 Mar 2005
Posts: 26
Location: back online


Raven... NICE Cool

Is it soon yet Twisted Evil

Post Fri Apr 15, 2005 1:56 pm 
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Jules



Joined: 22 Feb 2005
Posts: 904
Location: Home


waiting for more......tease Wink

Post Fri Apr 15, 2005 2:09 pm 
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