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Story Forum Index -> Lesbian Love Stories

The Ache
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How do you like the story?
It was great!
90%
 90%  [ 74 ]
It was okay.
8%
 8%  [ 7 ]
So-so
0%
 0%  [ 0 ]
It could use some work.
1%
 1%  [ 1 ]
Geez, what were you thinking?!
0%
 0%  [ 0 ]
Total Votes : 82

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Onyxia



Joined: 01 Jul 2006
Posts: 156


*Nominates this story for the biggest TEASE award*



*hands trophy over to Raven* Smile






Arrow O

Post Tue May 19, 2009 10:06 pm 
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beaustiful



Joined: 16 Sep 2009
Posts: 4
Location: Australia
Awwwwww

Ok so i'm a newby to the site and it start reading this and i'm like Very Happy and then as i continue to go through the pages i was like Confused and then it kept going and started reading a lot more comments now i'm like Shocked how can you be so cruel leaving us wondering and wanting....
Umm please continue it...? Don't give up!!!!!
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Post Tue Sep 22, 2009 9:56 am 
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puppy



Joined: 27 Oct 2008
Posts: 21
Location: Everywhere, USA


great story!! i likes aLOT! great work, babe! (is it alright if i call you babe? lol) it's a southern thing... Very Happy
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~Puppy

-What do the rumble strips on the side of the highway say when you run over them?
-Stupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupid!

Post Sun Sep 27, 2009 3:58 am 
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Typical Redhead



Joined: 20 Jan 2009
Posts: 24
Location: Australia


wow Raven thats the cruelest thing ever...write a marvelous story, don't finish it and leave everyone hanging

on mels....people are like vampires....
stories are our blood...this story was rich

and not finishing the story is like only smelling the blood...you know its going to taste sweet at the end...but you just havent reached it yet Crying or Very sad
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I miss your warm eyes

Post Wed Nov 18, 2009 6:40 am 
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glowinkx3



Joined: 27 Oct 2009
Posts: 15


your story is amazingly goooodd... its my first time joining this and im fascinated into your story.... finish it please!!! Smile

Post Sun Dec 13, 2009 3:50 am 
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suncoastgirl



Joined: 25 Mar 2005
Posts: 26
Location: back online


I agreeeeeeeeeee Cool

Post Tue Feb 08, 2011 8:07 am 
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TaylorSwiftFan



Joined: 14 Apr 2009
Posts: 34
Location: Glasgow


Soooo....
This story is AMAZING please please please continue with it soon!
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''You Shouldn't Spend Your Whole Life Trying To Be In The Popular Click''

Post Thu Mar 03, 2011 4:37 am 
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Raven



Joined: 20 Jan 2005
Posts: 1409
Location: Basking in the Garden


Hmm, maybe I'll try when the kids get out of school and I have more time at night after work. Well past my ache period but I may be at a point to recapture where I left off finally.

Part of me isn't sure I really want to finish it. Its the first thing I ever posted and kinda started my time here and sparked my first love relationship here. But then maybe that's all the more reason to finish it.
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Love is my Salvation and Destruction.

Post Thu May 12, 2011 9:45 pm 
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SWAY



Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Posts: 1560
Location: Upstate NY


I vote yes!
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Giving myself to others has made me jaded...

Post Fri May 13, 2011 2:10 pm 
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lonely_blue_eyes



Joined: 12 Jun 2005
Posts: 153
Location: oklahoma


I vote yes too!

Post Sun May 15, 2011 6:17 pm 
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Raven



Joined: 20 Jan 2005
Posts: 1409
Location: Basking in the Garden
10 Years in the Making

Ten years ago to the day I decided to take my first real step into being 100% me. On that day I posted the beginning of a writing exercise I was doing for myself. That exercise is this very story called The Ache.

At the time I was just looking for feedback on my story. Hoping to maybe find some like minded people here who shared not only my passion for writing but who would also understand me as a lesbian.

Little did I know that this story, my first step out the closet, would lead me to so many rewarding experiences and memories. To so many countless friendships that I still enjoy today. And most importantly lead me to love.

To say that I will always cherish what Mels did for me is an understatement. Mels and our fabulous chatroom of old was a game changer in my life. It was full of highs and even lows but for the first time I felt like I was beginning to be me. It would take forever to thank all the people that played a part in making this place so special to me so I’m not going to attempt to but please know I do appreciate each and everyone of you who made this place a key turning point in my life.

And without further ado here is . . . FINALLY . . . The Ache . . . finished 10 years later to the day. (Now that’s should secure my reign as the Queen of Tease for eternity.)

Story reposted in full so that you don’t have to shift through all the begging to find it.

PS - It's still the 20th for me so it counts.
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Love is my Salvation and Destruction.


Last edited by Raven on Wed Jan 21, 2015 5:12 am; edited 1 time in total

Post Wed Jan 21, 2015 4:29 am 
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Raven



Joined: 20 Jan 2005
Posts: 1409
Location: Basking in the Garden
The Ache

You desire what you cannot have , the words repeated over and over again in my mind.

Grumbling I rolled over in bed and threw the covers off. The chill air seeped into my skin, but parts of me I was trying desperately to ignore still felt exceedingly warm and moist. It was those damn memories; they came like flashes of lightning. Bam, there’s those startling green eyes. Boom, there’s that silky skin. Blast, there’s those fingertip caresses across my lips again. We hadn’t spoken in over a week, but her breath still teased my ear when I wasn’t concentrating. It was painful. Unbearable. And yet, no matter how hard I’d tried I couldn’t part with them. I needed them. I ached for them. Memories were all I had now.

At this point, severely depressed and realizing sleep just wasn’t going to be had tonight, I sat up and looked at the clock. It was five in the morning, ‘Before Day’ as I called it, and way too early for me normally. Running through my options I decided to take a shower, get dressed, and skip breakfast. Halfway through my shower I realized that that last decision was a mistake. Stomach growling like some wild animal, I headed for the kitchen.

Opening the door to my room, I stepped into the darkness of the quaint little apartment’s living room. For some unfathomable reason the apartment designers hadn’t placed any electrical sockets on this side of the room. I had to stumble all the way to the middle of the room, where beside the couch a tall lamp stood. Fumbling with the switch, the light finally came on.

Blinking sleepily and wincing at the sudden light, two pools of never-ending green eyes stared questionably up at me.

Frozen, I stared breathlessly down at the couch. Bam, boom, blast the memories overtook my mind. Struggling to regain control I turned away.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you were in here,” I mumbled my first words to her in over a week. “Was headed for the kitchen.”

That said, I fled across the remainder of the room and flicked on the lights to the kitchen.

“You can turn the lamp off if you want,” I said, reaching for the door to the cereal cabinet.

Hiding behind the opened cabinet, I took my first true breath and tried to steady my racing heart. I heard movement from the couch and then the lamp went out. Pulling out the Fruit Loops I used the counter top facing away from the living room to fix my bowl. With my mind spinning from images of her lying on the couch, it wasn’t until I finished pouring my milk that I felt the eyes on my back. Unsure of all my actions now, and not daring to turn back around and face her, I got a spoon from the drawer and ate right there on the counter top.

Finishing one bowl, still too nervous to turn around, I fixed another. After the second bowl I realized I was going to have to turn around sometime. Leaving my dirty dishes in the sink, I turned around praying that she’d stopped watching me and fallen back to sleep. No such luck.

Laying on her side, resting her head on her arm she watched me with hooded eyes. Running my tongue across my suddenly dry lips I glanced around the room searching for inspiration.

“Why are you up?” Her sweet voice caught me by surprise.

“What?” I asked unintelligently.

“It’s Before Day,” she used my words. “Why are you up and about?”

Not about to tell her why I’d spent the entire night sleepless or about what had forced me up at this ungodly hour, I stared stupidly at the arm of the couch. Feeling the tension, I blurted out what came to mind first, “Why are you here? Too drunk to stumble all the way to your room?”

The light in her green eyes dimmed and an emotion flashed across her face too quickly for me to interpret. I called myself all kinds of names and kicked myself mentally. An apology ached to slip from my lips but pride held my tongue.

I could say worse to her , a part of my mind thought in anger. She’s said much worse to me. Helplessly, I was unable to stop the words from entering my mind again.

You desire what you cannot have.

Pain pounded in my heart and anger rose in my cheeks. My emotions battled for dominance, and in the end defeat won out. Weak and tired to my very core, I started for the door. The air was too hot, the apartment too small. Grabbing my keys from the stand near the door I reached for the lock but her voice froze me in place. She’d finally decided to respond.

“I think,” her voice dripped with disgust, “If anyone knows anything about coming home drunk it’s not me.”

My cheeks colored, my ears burned. Nearly a week ago today I’d come in three o’clock in the morning barley able to unlock the door. She’d found me sprawled out on the floor, half in and half out the door. I’d awaken with her touch, but she still had to help me to my bed. From the door to my bed I threw up on her twice. I didn’t normally drink. In fact I rarely ever drank. But that night I’d needed a drink – or two or three or six. That night she’d left me no choice.

Before those memories could return or she could say more I unlocked the door and fled into the world.

* * *

Leaning back against the couch with a sigh Marissa closed her eyes and tried not to cry. She’d not meant to bring that night up, but she’d been hurt by Raven’s words. Probably because they rang too close to the truth , she acknowledged to herself regrettably. Last night, her head reeling from too many shots of vodka, she’d decided that the couch was comfortable enough and quietly passed out there.

I guess I should just be happy that she’s finally talking to me again.

For the past week Marissa had done everything short of dropping to her knees and begging Raven to kiss her. First she’d tried hinting at her feelings, but she couldn’t tell if Raven grasped her meaning, let alone if she shared Marissa’s affection. Raven would only shrug, nod, shake her head, rush to her room and close the door for the rest of the night.

With hints not working and herself not comfortable enough to really say how she felt, Marissa had then tried every excuse in the book to touch Raven. But no matter what she did Raven wouldn’t respond - except negatively. She’d recoil and a look of disgust would cross her face. After that she’d dash to her room and Marissa would spend another night alone in the living room hoping Raven would return. But of course she never did.

I think, Derrick was wrong. She doesn’t feel anything for me – except maybe now repulsion. This morning was proof of that. She didn’t even want to eat near me. I can’t take this anymore. Marissa sat up. We’ve got to talk, and soon. Today.

Standing Marissa went to her room to get herself ready, her stomach already doing flip-flops.

* * *

When I decided to finally return home it was around noon. I’d spent the early morning sitting on a bench in the park, watching runners jog by through watery eyes. Tired of crying and hoping to cease thinking of Marissa, I exhausted the rest of the morning by making all the little runs I had planned for the weekend. I went to the grocery store. All the fruit looked rotten. I went shopping. Nothing fit. I stopped by my brother’s place. He kept smiling, so I left. In the end, watching my carton of ice cream begin to melt, I realized I had nothing left to do but return to the apartment.

Starting my car, I took a deep breath and prepared myself for what might be waiting for me at home. Last week when I’d returned home the sight of things had crushed my heart and started the ball rolling on my current week of hell. I recalled it all with a shudder.

* * *

“Raven! Your home,” Marissa’s voice instantly brought a smile to my face as I’d opened the door. It was just as quickly erased as I spotted Derrick on the couch beside her.

“Hey,” My voice was dull and lifeless as I closed the door and dropped my weary body into the chair near the couch. I let my bags slide to the floor beside me.

“Long day?” Derrick smiled friendly.

“Something like that,” I said eyeing his arm around her waist. I folded my arms around me to keep my hands from doing something they shouldn’t.

“We were just going to start a movie. Wanna watch with us?” Marissa asked, her smile threatening to overtake her face.

Despite my desire to leave, I’d been missing Marissa all day. Derrick was an inconvenience I’d happily rid myself of but if this was the only way I could spend time with her then . . . to hell with him.

“Sure,” I smiled weakly.

And so we started the movie. Marissa lying in Derrick arms, Derrick resting his hand on her thigh, and me holding myself in a feeble attempt to keep my feelings in check.

I didn’t even make it to the title screen before my eyes wandered over to her.

Getting home earlier than I did, she’d already changed out of her workday clothes into something more comfortable; a tight little tee that parted in the middle of her chest exposing a tantalizing amount of cleavage and equally tight jeans that left little of her shapely long legs to the imagination. Her ebony hair was loose and the little rivulet of hair that she always seemed to be brushing haphazardly out of her bright green eyes was on the brink of falling into her face.

I couldn’t help it, my imagination went wild.

I pictured myself brushing her hair away with a light sweep of my fingers. Then I saw my fingers tracing their way down her jaw line and caressing her soft lips.

Her tongue trailed behind my fingers and no longer able to fight my urges I leaned in and kissed her. She moaned and a shiver ran up my spine. Then I smiled as I felt her hands in my hair pulling me closer. Mouths parted, our tongues reached out, found each other, and began a dance that had my heart threatening to burst.

Breaking away from her lips I left a slow trail of kisses from her mouth, down her neck, and to her lovely cleavage. Her body trembling beneath by touch, I ran my hands up under her shirt and cupped her breasts. Gently kneading her breasts beneath her shirt I continued to kiss the parts exposed above. My thumbs played with her nipples until they grew firm. Head tilted back, eyes closed, she moaned again and I craved to kiss the softness trapped behind her bra and twirl my tongue around her nipples. Leaning back I started to pull her shirt up when a hand interposed itself, wrapping around her waist.

Slapped back to reality, blinking in confusion, breathing a little heavily, I found myself sitting alone in my chair, watching as across the room Derrick tightened his grip around Marissa’s waist.

Brown eyes met blue and I realized he’d been watching me. My face instantly flushed as I thought in dread what expressions must have crossed my face as I’d daydreamed about her. A slight smile played across his mouth and my embarrassment was quickly replaced with anger. I glared at him in my best “Fuck you!” look. He only smiled more.

Standing up I excused myself, “Sorry guys I forgot I need to make a call before it gets too late.”

She stared up at me in confusion. “We can pause it?” Her voice sounded so wounded that I almost relented, but then I spotted the smug blue eyes again and stood my ground.

“That’s okay. I’ll probably be a while. You two,” I nearly choked on the words, “You two go ahead and have fun.”

She looked disappointed. I ignored the look and the fluttering in my stomach. Escaping to my room I closed the door securely behind me and flopped, work clothes and all, onto my bed.

“God, what am I doing,” I whispered helplessly to myself. I felt powerless. Vulnerable. Totally out of my element. No matter what I told it not to feel, my body ached for her. Ached for her touch. Her lips. Her caress. Her kiss.

I groaned and rolled over in bed quiet aware of where my thoughts were about to go. She tortures me in my dreams already she needn’t haunt my every waking moment too.

Trying to take my mind off of her I decided to go with my lie. Make a phone call Raven. You’re supposed to call mom today anyway. Reaching for my cell phone, I was surprised when it wasn’t on my bedside table where I always kept it.

Realizing I’d left my cell phone with my stuff in the living room I clicked my tongue in disgust. Now I’d have to go back out there and see more of the two of them together. My stomach cringed at the thought. Stealing myself for what I was about to see I got up and opened the door silently. The door only cracked, I froze as I realized they were talking about me.

“I think she likes you.” The idiot was smiling.

Instantly my heart began hammering in my chest. Blood rushed up like a tidal wave to my face, filling my ears with a constant throbbing sensation. I shook my head trying to hear around my body’s reaction. There was such a long pause that I feared I’d missed her reply, then I heard her lovely voice.

“Who, Raven?” Innocence and shock.

“Yeah,” Derrick said. Leaning in closer he added conspiratorially, “I mean come on, have you seen the way she looks at you? Or me for that matter. Every time I touch you it’s like she wants to rip my throat out or something.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m not!” He leaned back grinning. “She wants you babe.”

The act of breathing forgotten, I strained to hear what she’d say next. There was only silence. Derrick seemed as impatient as I.

“Well?” he insisted.

“Well what?”

“Well do you feel the same way?”

It felt as if my whole being depended on what came from those perfect lips next.

“No,” short and to the point my world collapse around me. She doesn’t care about me. The thought slammed into my mind rocking me as if I’d actually been physically hit.

Turning away from the door my eyes fluttered around my room not pausing on anything in particular and not recognizing anything they glimpsed. My hand seemed to rise to my throat of its own accord. My windpipe seemed blocked. I gasped for air. The room was spinning. She doesn’t care about me. A tear splashed against my hand. Then another. And another. Everything was a watery blur. She doesn’t care about me. I sunk to my knees still struggling to get air to my lung.

Disloyally, my ears continued to pick-up the conversation in the next room.

“Aw come on, babe,” the jerk whined. “There’s desire in those lovely brown eyes of hers. I only think it right if we,” he emphasized the last word, “help her out.”

Vomit rose and I choked it back down.

“No!” she said adamantly, plunging the final knife into my heart. She doesn’t care!

It was too much. My body was on fire inside, my fingers cold to the touch. Breathing hard I wiped the tears away. I’ve got to go. Got to get out of here. And so I did.

Opening my door, I walked right past them and towards the door. Vaguely I remembered seeing Derrick smile, and hearing Marissa ask me where I was going. I started to stop and slap that ugly grin off the idiot’s face, but that would mean having to answer her, so I quickened my pace, snatched up my keys, and yanked the door close behind me.

* * *

I shook my head at my thoughts. That was last week Raven. You know better now. Again the words, You desire what you cannot have. Returning home I relaxed finding Marissa gone from the couch and the living room empty.

* * *

She has a real love for that , Marissa thought with irritation as from her room she listened to Raven enter the apartment and slam first the main door and then shortly the door to her room. She’s been doing that all freaking week. Shoot, she did it this morning. Marissa had been waiting for hours for Raven to return from her morning escape. In that time Marissa had talked herself out of confronting Raven, back into it, and back out of it. Her emotions raw and exposed she pushed an annoying bit of hair from her eyes and decided to bite the bullet. She couldn’t go on like this anymore. Raven, whether she knew it or not, had complete control over her every feeling. If Raven frowned, Marissa grew upset. If she smiled, Marissa’s day was beautiful. Just last week Raven had decided not to watch a movie with her and Derrick and Marissa had instantly become depressed. She’d continued watching the movie, but had not truly been aware of what she was looking at until Derrick had interrupted her thoughts.

* * *

Derrick was smiling intently at her she realized.

“What,” she finally relented as she shifted on the couch.

“I think she likes you.”

Instantly images of brown eyes, full lips, and a playful smile flooded her mind. Her heart raced. She blinked hard, but couldn’t quite remove the images of Raven from her mind. She could hear her laughter echoing in her ears, smell her jasmine perfume, see her bite her lip in that sexy way she did whenever she was nervous. Her senses completely overwhelmed, she pretended to misunderstand.

“Who, Raven?” She squeaked.

“Yeah,” Derrick said.

She felt goose bumps fluttered up and down her spine and it wasn’t because Derrick was leaning in closer.

“I mean come on, have you seen the way she looks at you? Or me for that matter. Every time I touch you it’s like she wants to rip my throat out or something.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” She said struggling not to show her excitement.

“I’m not!” He leaned back grinning. “She wants you babe.”

Her eyes glazed over. Derrick disappeared and Raven was suddenly before her. She was smiling, her cinnamon eyes capturing Marissa’s own. The air seemed on fire. A passion too intense to ignore swirled in her stomach. Marissa reached out and stroked Raven’s cheek. Raven smiled at the touch and Marissa forgot to breath. She could see Raven leaning in closer. Slowly licking her lips. Her smile slowly vanishing as the fire in her dark eyes grew more intent. Intent on Marissa’s mouth. Marissa leaned forward, prepared to meet her halfway. Just as their lips were about to meet Derrick interrupted.

“Well?” he insisted.

“Well what?” It came out sounding snappish.

“Well do you feel the same way?”

She swallowed, “No.” The lie tasted dirty in her mouth.

She turned back to the TV staring blankly at the screen. She prayed he’d drop the subject but she felt a hand slide along her leg towards her knee.

“Aw come on, babe,” Derrick pressed. “There’s desire in those lovely brown eyes of hers. I only think it right if we,” he punctuated the last word, “help her out.”

“No!” she said forcefully, the thought of Derrick touching Raven repulsing her.

Derrick accurately judged the conversation over and thankfully didn’t say more, but he continued to stare at her. Shifting nervously on the couch she nearly jumped out of her skin as Raven flew by her.

“Where are you going?” she asked as she realized she was headed for the door.

Raven didn’t even pause. She grabbed her keys and left, slamming the door loudly behind her. Marissa winced at the impact. Staring stupidly at the door in utter confusion she squeaked as she felt Derrick’s hand back on her knee.

“Wonder what the hell that was about?” he smiled impishly.

She shook her head in bewilderment. “That wasn’t like her. Not telling me where she’s going.” Shifting on the couch Marissa reached for the phone, “I need to call her.”

Knowing the number by heart, she quickly punched it in. She let Raven’s cell ring until the voicemail picked up.

“Hey Rave, it’s me, Marissa. Is everything all right? You ran out of here in a hurry.” She paused unsure what to say next. “Look, give me a call when you get this so I know you’re okay. Talk to you soon.”

She hung up feeling more concerned than she had before the phone call.

Derrick tried to direct her attention back to him. Starting the movie up again he pulled her into his arms, but her worry kept her stiff and distracted even as his hands and lips wandered about her body. She lost all sense of time and was shocked when suddenly the movie ended. She set up with a start.

She’s been gone almost two hours , she felt her anxiety double.

“Whatda want to do now?” Derrick grinned, running his hand all the way up her thigh. “I’ve got a few ideas,” he winked.

She wasn’t sure why but suddenly she felt nauseous.

Thankfully Derrick was observant. “You don’t look to well, hun. You coming down with a cold?”

She went with it and feigned tiredness. Derrick was, as expected, disappointed and it took quite a bit of maneuvering and a promise to have dinner Tuesday night to finally get him to leave. It was then that her pacing began.

Where is she? Pace, pace, turn.

What’s wrong? Why’d she just storm out like that? More pacing. Turn

Was it the phone call? Was there an emergency?

She froze. Was it me?

Oh God, did she overhear Derrick and me talking? She resumed her pacing. Crap! She has to have seen right through my weak attempts to hide my feelings for her. Turn. Shit, she knows! And judging by her response she must hate me.

Pacing she wiped a stray hair out of her eye impatiently. No. No. No! Get a grip ‘Rissa. Everything isn’t always about you. There are a thousand and one reasons she could have left.

Sharp turn. God damn it, where is she?

Marissa finally realized it was going to be a long time before Raven returned so she setup her wait-watch-and-worry operation on the couch. There she stayed for the remainder of the night. The television on and blaring, she fell asleep sometime after 1:30 am.

A loud thump woke her hours later.

* * *

Rubbing her eyes, her vision finally adjusted and she stared in shock as Raven lay half in and half out of the apartment. Fear enveloped her heart as she rushed to the collapsed woman.

Seeing Raven’s chest rise and fall steadily calmed her some, but she still didn’t know why she was passed out on the floor. Hesitantly, she touched Raven’s cheek. The action bringing with it a quick flash of her earlier daydream.

Raven’s eyes fluttered open. They seemed unfocused and distant, but they captured Marissa’s full attention just as totally as in her dream.

“Marissa,” Raven’s whisper sounded pained and bruised. Her breath hit Marissa in the face and Marissa at last understood the situation as the smell of alcohol tickled her nose. Her worry redoubled. She doesn’t drink.

Suddenly Raven rolled over and heaved, some of it hitting Marissa’s robe.

Helping her through it, mumbling nonsense and holding back her hair, Marissa waited until Raven rolled back over.

“Come on, love. Let’s get you off the floor.” Helping her rise, the two stumbled to the couch where she left Raven while she closed and locked the door. Ignoring the mess on the floor she headed for the bathroom. Discarding her robe in the bathtub, she wet a washcloth and returned to the living room.

Raven was lying unconscious on the couch. Sitting on the edge Marissa gently wiped the washcloth across her face. Asleep the pain in Raven’s face had disappeared and Marissa smiled as she looked down at her. Raven’s dark hair was a mass of wildness framing her smooth face. Then she remembered why Raven was probably in such a state. She was running from me. She felt a tear on her cheek. Ah ‘Rissa, you desire what you cannot have. She’d been telling herself that for weeks. Now seeing her best friend in such a condition and all because of her, she finally realized the truth in the words and the danger in not remembering them. She said them to herself one more time just for good measure. You desire what you cannot have. And it’s past time you realized that.

Wiping her tears away she gathered her emotions and locked them up. She cherished her friendship with Raven too much to do this to her. I’ll give her space.

“Rave . . . .Raven . . . I need you to wake up. Let’s get you into your bed, alright?” Gently she nudged Raven until her eyes fluttered open.

Raven mumbled something unintelligibly and Marissa leaned down to try to figure it out only to jump back as Raven’s hand snaked out pushing her away as she leaned over and heaved again, this time catching Marissa’s slippers.

Wincing at the loss of her shoes Marissa left them and the new mess behind cleaning Raven back up again and helping her to her bedroom. Raven was unconscious as soon as her body was eased onto her bed. Dragging the small trash can from the bathroom and leaving it beside the bed Marissa stared down at the fully clothed woman.

“Come on you can do this Marissa,” she told herself as she stared unmoving. “You’ve seen all this before.” Yes , one part of her mind agreed, but that was before. Before you were in –

She shook her head forcing herself not to complete that thought.

Resigning herself to removing Raven’s smoky, alcohol drenched, clothing in as professional a manner as possible she bent over and began to undo Raven’s pants. Eyes focused solely on the pants and not the smooth skin slowly being exposed, she slid Raven’s pants down and tossed them to the chair. Taking a breath she sat down on the edge of the bed and began the tedious task of unbuttoning Raven’s blouse. Her heart seemed to pick up with each twist of her fingers. At the last button the shirt fell free sliding away and there was no looking away this time. Marissa watched Raven’s chest rise and fall, with an intensity she’d not known before. Her world focused on Raven’s cleavage, her breasts bound in her bra, begging to be freed, her nipple pressing slightly against the bra, begging to be sucked, her stomach smooth and firm begging to be licked.

Her desire burned unchecked in every inch of her body. Marissa was so disgusted with herself. She closed her eyes trying to reign in her fiery thoughts. Lost in her own battle for control she jumped as she felt a hand close over her own. She opened her eyes and stared.

“Marissa,” Raven’s eyes shimmered with tears.

Uncontrollably, Marissa’s hand reached out and brushed a few strands of hair from Raven’s forehead. Her hand then falling to caress Raven’s cheek with her fingertips. Scanning Raven’s face, drinking her all in, she felt herself being drawn to her. She wanted to reach out and take Raven in her arms and never let go. She wanted to discover and explore every inch of her body. Playing her like a finely tuned instrument with her fingers and tongue. Stroking her until she played that one piercing note of ecstasy. Leaning forward, Raven’s lips calling to her, Marissa felt her own lips part.

A moan escaped her lips.

Eyes growing large, Marissa lurched back, yanking her hand away in horror of what she almost done. Raven whimpered. Standing she backed away from the bed least she do something she could never take back.

God, what have I done to our friendship? She’s so upset that she crying. She’s disgusted with me now that she knows how I feel about her. Marissa shook her head. I can’t hurt her anymore.

“You desire what you cannot have,” she threw the words out as a shield against the call her body still felt, her voice sounding rough and ridged even to her own ears. Swallowing, closing her eyes on her tears and the vision of heaven lying on the bed, she tried to steady her breathing.

“You desire what you cannot have,” she whispered it this time.

Without looking back at the bed she spun on her heels she fled the room.

* * *

With the door firmly shut, I glanced around my room. The bed was still in shambles from when I’d fled it this morning. I don’t even know why I get in it anymore. I hadn’t slept since that night I’d gotten drunk. Marissa’s scream of disgust had echoed in my dreams over and over again. The harshness etched in it playing out until it woke me in a pool of sweat; face doubly wet from a stream of tears. My heart felt like something had crawled inside it and died. It was like I could actually feel the bruised and bleeding parts of my soul. Everything was so raw . . . so tender, that sometimes it felt like I would choke on the pain if I opened my mouth. But instead I choked and swallowed my feelings down. I tried to go numb and let the darkness surround me. Envelope me so that I felt nothing. But it didn’t work. It didn’t work at all. Sighing I let the memories of that morning fade and crawled back into my disheveled bed.

You desire what you cannot have , she’d yell those words at me quite clearly and I was determined to do what she so obviously wanted me to do . . . back away and leave her be.

* * *

I can’t let her go , Marissa had known that the moment she’d awaken last week after Raven’s drunken night out. She’s in too deep . . . in my heart far too deep to simply walk away without trying. Without seeing what could be.

But Marissa had been trying all week to no avail. As she walked across the living room, taking deep calming breaths, eyes transfixed on Raven’s closed door she knew this was it. She was going to lay it all out there, all her feelings, all her desires. All my love.

She knocked on Raven’s door.

* * *

“Fuck!”

Rolling over on my bed I stared at my closed door. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I mumbled to myself. I was running out of ways to minimize my contact with Marissa. It’s like she was trying to prove we could still be friends despite her decree that it become nothing more than that.

Earlier this week Marissa had gone on for thirty minutes about how she cherished me, how I was her best friend, the one she counted on, leaned on, and trusted above all others. She needed me she’d said.

God how that had hurt so much. She needed me and yet she’d never want me the way I wanted her. But I’d gotten her meaning. I desired what I couldn’t have – all of her, but she wanted me to know I was still important to her. That we were still friends.

I’d mumbled, “Ditto” and quickly returned to my room to drown in silent tears.

Pulling back my feelings was so much harder than I’d realized. Every time she touched me sparks flickered through my blood and goose bumps swept across my skin. Maybe because I was trying to reign in my feelings I noticed our interactions more but it felt like every time we were in the same room together we touched.

I was fixing my hair in the bathroom mirror and she’d come in and brushed her fingers through it playfully styling my hair. I was sitting at my laptop getting some work done when she came over and massaged my shoulders stating I was sitting wrong and would hurt my back. I was sitting on the couch reading a book and she’d sat down beside me and asked me what I was reading as she leaned in extremely close to peer at my book.

When I’d gotten home late one night, quickly kicked my shoes off, and grab my foot in obvious pain she’d offered to massage my feet for me. Having barely made it through her last massage at my desk I escaped to my room and spent the rest of the week hiding in there.

Another knock on my door brought my attention back to the present. Sighing I got up and answered the door.

* * *

Marissa smiled as Raven opened the door but the smile quickly slipped away as she registered the look on Raven’s face.

“I . . . I wanted to know if you had time to talk,” Marissa stammered.

“Not really,” Raven shut her down.

Taking a slow steadying breath Marissa tried again. “Rave, please I really need to talk.”

Staring into Raven’s eyes she tried to plead her case with her expression. Turning away Raven bit her lip before asking, “Can we do this later, ‘Rissa? I’ve got a headache and just want to lie down.”

Recognizing the lie for what it was Marissa simple said, “No” and stood her ground. We’re having this convo whether you like it or not Raven.

* * *

Seeing the look of determination on Marissa’s face I sighed and stepped back letting her into my bedroom. Turning to find Marissa standing in front of my bed I instantly regretted my actions.

Moving across the room to put some distance between us I sat on the edge of my desk and folded my arms.

The self-assurance seemed to leave Marissa’s face and she nervously swept away the hair falling into her eye away. Then she suddenly squared her shoulders and glared at me as if trying to prepare herself for battle. She looked so adorable. A mix of vulnerability and determination. I couldn’t help but smile a little.

Shaking my head at my weakness I sighed and pushed to end this conversation as quickly as possible.

“What did you want to talk about ‘Rissa?”

“Us.”

Swallowing I could feel my hands unexpectedly get clammy as my heartbeat began to pick up speed at an unhealthy rate.

“Us?” I asked weakly.

“Yes. I . . . I,” she frowned and then began pacing around my room. “God,” she threw her hands up and spun around to face me, “I’ve rehearsed this so many times in my head. And now . . . now,” she turn away again and continued pacing.

Not wanting to continue this conversation in the slightest I glanced at the bedroom door and wondered if I could reach it before she blocked my path.

“See! This is what I mean.” She all but screamed out the blue.

Turning towards her I realized she was once again facing me and had caught me staring longingly at the door.

“Now you’re sitting there with that look on your face. That one where I know you’d like to be anyway where else than here with me.”

I could feel my face blush slightly knowing she’d read me so well. “That’s not true.”

“It is. And you know it but I need to say this Raven. I need to say it or I’m going to go crazy!”

Sweeping her hair behind her ear again she looked down at her hands.

“Raven, I . . . you mean everything to me. You’re my best friend. I don’t know what I’d do without you. And that’s what scares me.” She glanced up at me and our eyes met. I had to swallow at the emotions I saw pouring out from hers. “Cause . . . cause sometimes friendships grow into something more. Sometimes one person wants more and maybe the other person doesn’t but . . . but that doesn’t change the fact that one does.”

Biting my lip I looked away from her and tried to breathe slowly and calmly but my chest was rising and falling at an alarmingly quick pace. The room seemed overheated and that headache I’d lied about earlier was now making its appearance as my temples seemed to throb at nearly the same rate as my chest.

“And it’s all this huge scary risk.” Marissa continued. “Because what if it’s only one them? What if the other person doesn’t feel the same way? What if one just wants . . .”

“I know okay!” My outburst surprised even me but I just couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t listen to her go on anymore trying to let me down gently. “I desire what I cannot have.”

* * *

Marissa was shocked speechless hearing the words she’d recited to herself.

Raven continued unaware, “I get it. I finally get it. You don’t have to tell me anymore alright.”

“Wha–what?” Marissa shook her head confused.

“It’s like you said, I desire what I cannot have. I get it. I want you, but I can’t have you.”

Marissa was completely confused, “Like I said?”

Raven’s frown grew deeper with irritation. “Like you told me. Last week when I threw up on you.”

It was like ice water was thrown in her face. It was all clear now. Why Raven had stopped talking to her. Why she’d not responded to anything Marissa had done in the last week.

“You thought I was talking to you,” Marissa whispered out loud to herself.

“What?” Raven looked confused now too.

Marissa glanced up at Raven, a smile slowly spreading across her face.

“You thought I was talking to you,” she all but shouted and laughed. It was like a heavy burden had been lifted from her heart. She felt giggly and bubbly, ready to spin and sing like some crazy woman. She DOES want me . . . she just thought she couldn’t. Marissa felt ready to explode.

“Weren’t you?” Raven asked slowly.

Laughing Marissa shook her head no and flung her arms around Raven neck hugging her tightly. She felt like she was floating on air. Like she could just fly away. Leaning back she smiled even more at Raven’s completely bewildered face.

“I was talking to myself. I want you and I thought I couldn’t have you because I didn’t think you felt the same. So I kept telling myself that to remind myself we were just friends. Derrick said you wanted me so I started to think that maybe you did. That I wasn’t alone in these feelings. So I dumped him. But then you seemed to want know to do with me all week so I thought maybe he was wrong about you. And I was so scared I’d ruined everything between us. But now, now I know you do and god . . .” The words were spilling out of her mouth so fast it wasn’t until then that she realized that Raven was still staring at her with a strange look on her face.

Removing her hands from Raven’s shoulders Marissa took a hesitant step back and waited once again nervous for Raven’s response. As more time passed without Raven saying anything Marissa began to worry all over again that this was a one way ache.


* * *

I want you , Marissa had said. She wants me. . . me. Subconsciously, I knew Marissa was still talking but I hadn’t been able to think past her statement that she wanted me. It seemed too good to be true. Like suddenly all my prayers were being answered.

It was only when I felt the absence of Marissa’s body pressed against mine that I realized she’d stopped talking. Looking up into her eyes I studied them trying to see if within them I could find the truth. Was what she said actually real or had I dreamed it all.

Her green eyes, always expressive, seemed even more so now. I could see her fear, her uncertainty, her hope, her resolve, her desire, and something more. That’s when I knew she didn’t actually want me. Smiling at her I reached out and gently pulled her back to me and wrapped my arms around her waist. As she returned my smiled I continued to look into her eyes. I knew she didn’t want me because in her eyes I saw it was more than that for her. In her eyes I saw her love.

Brushing her hair softly away from her eyes, I gently cupped her face and grazed my thumb across her cheek. Her eyes had grown darker and seemed trained on my mouth. Glancing down at her soft full lips I slowly pull her towards me, stopping just as our lips were a breath apart.

A heartbeat passed between us and then she gently brought her lips down to meet mine. It felt as though my entire body melted into her. Our kiss started off so slowly and softy that I felt like I was sinking into a bed of feathers. Her lips parted and the tip of her tongue caressed mine. The sound of her whimper made me draw her in closer so that I could deepen our kiss. I felt her hands slowly slide up my sides and begin to roam. When her fingertips brushed the edges of my breast I pulled away with a gasp.

Breathing heavily I stared at her. Her eyes, now a deep sparkling emerald green, were full of desire and her chest was rising and falling at similar speed as my own. I looked at her knowing she’d understand the question on my face. In reply she took a step backwards and held out her hand. Taking her hand I stood and she slowly led me back towards my bed.

Standing at the edge of my bed her hands reached out and shakily began to unbutton my top. Leaning is as she worked to remove my shirt I slowly trailed kisses down the side of her neck. Her eyelids fluttered closed and she tilted her head to the side granting me more soft skin to kiss and nibble.

Pushing me gently away she slid her hands into my now unbuttoned shirt and across my shoulders slipping my shirt off and onto the floor. Removing my bra for her I stood unmoving before her gaze as her eyes slowly trailed across my skin drinking me in.

This was her first time with a woman so while my body was hungry for more I was determined to go at her speed.

Reaching out with her right hand she softly ran her fingers from the hollow of my throat down my chest and across to the edges my breast. When she finally cupped the heaviness of my breast I closed my eyes to her exploration and enjoyed the sensations of her light and curious touch. A moan escaped my lips as her thumb drew circles around my nipple.

Opening my eyes I reached out and grabbed the hem of her shirt, drawing it up and over her head. Her bra quickly followed and I stared in wonderment at her.

“You’re so beautiful.”

Blushing she nodded and then glanced down at my waist.

“Pants”

Chuckling I removed my pants as well as the rest of my clothes before helping her to do the same.

Both now completely naked I guided her gently backwards and onto the bed. Kneeling over her I looked down at her and let my gaze slowly take in every inch of her bare skin.

“God, you’re so beautiful.”

Smiling she reached up and slid both of her hands into my hair drawing me down towards her. “You said that already.”

“It was definitely worth repeating,” I said before leaning down and kissing her with a hunger and fever I didn’t know I possessed. Marissa’s hands skimmed my back and slid up my neck to play with the hairs at the nape of my neck. Shivering as she found one of my sensitive spots I pulled back and looked at her.

“We can stop at any time.” I whispered.

“I know,” she smiled and then she pulled me down so that our lips met fully again. I tried to go slowly but with her body molded against mine like it had been designed to fit perfectly with my own it was becoming increasingly harder to maintain any form of self-control.

Marissa’s legs parted and my thigh slipped between hers making contact with her overheated center. I could feel her excitement coating my leg and I instantly became even more aroused. Rocking my leg into her slowly I trailed kisses down her neck again this time not stopping until I reach her breast. Circling her nipple with my tongue I sucked the stiffed nipple into my mouth and then flicked my tongue quickly over the tip causing Marissa to gasp and shift beneath me.

* * *

Marissa was finding it hard to focus on any one sensation. Everywhere Raven’s body touched her own it felt like her skin was on fire. Like her passion was running through her veins and overwhelming her senses. Raven’s mouth and hands seemed to be everywhere stroking her desires and driving her insane. Her hips shifted, grinding against Raven’s thigh almost of their own accord.

She’d been dreaming of this for so long but now that she was finally in the moment. Now that she finally could run her fingernails along Raven’s back. Could feel Raven’s hand glide across her stomach and caress her leg. Now that she had everything she’d ached for she couldn’t seem to stop and fully enjoy it. Her brain said “slow” but her body said . . .

“More! Please Raven, more.”

* * *

Smiling as Marissa whimpered and moaned beneath me I slowly began kissing and nibbling my way down her body. Stopping to tease her inner thighs with my lips and run my hands along her smooth legs I shuddered as she her voice thick with desire begged me for more.

Sliding down lower between her legs, Marissa opened her legs wider to give me more access and I paused taking in what I saw. Beautiful , I whispered to myself.

Parting her folds I slowly circled her clit with my tongue. Above me Marissa moaned and lifted her hips to press against my mouth as her hands slid into my hair. A moan escaped my lips as well as I tasted her for the first time.

Dipping my tongue down and slipping inside of her I darted in and out of her quickly before returning to her clit which I gently sucked on, my tongue flicking quickly across it as I’d done earlier with her nipples. Marissa’s hips jerked beneath me and her grip in my hair tightened. Sensing she was close I shifted slightly so that I could bring my hand up between us. Slipping my fingers inside of her I curved them up finding her spot just as I flicked my tongue across her clit.

Marissa’s body began to shake and convulse uncontrollably as she climaxed. Her body arched and her hands still pressing my face down, she screamed out my name before finally collapsing onto the bed. Still pressing my tongue against her clit I waited until its throbbing slowed. Gently I stroked her inner fold with my tongue careful not to touch her clit again so soon. Above me I could hear her whimper as she tried to pull me up. That had been like a drug and I wanted more but circling her clit one last time I rose up and climbed up beside her as she’d asked.

Looking down at her with her hair a mess, a light sheen to her skin, and a satisfied grin on her face I couldn’t help but smile. Leaning down I placed a light kiss on her nose.

Thinking her too tired to move I was surprised when I suddenly found myself flipped on my back and staring up at Marissa’s face as her hair fanned down around us like a curtain.

“Did you think we were done, dear?” She smiled at me. Before I could answer she leaned down and kissed me with a passion that sent my head spinning out of control.

Moving from my lips she kissed a path slowly across my jawline and up towards my ear. Nibbling on my earlobe she whispered in my ear.

“I love you.”

Tears slid down my cheek and when she leaned back to look into my eyes I touched her face gently with my hand.

“I love you too.”

Smiling she turned her face towards my hand and kissed my palm. Unhurriedly she continued her kisses down my arm, across my shoulders, and back up to my neck where she’d first left off. From there she left a trail of kisses down my chest and along the soft parts of my breasts. Slowly she explored every inch of my womanly body with her hands, lips, and tongue. My skin tingled like it was electrified and my pulse quicken with every passing second. I tried to hold on. To let her finish her exploration but my body was screaming at me in protest.

Panting I heard myself beg for her to help me. “Please . . . ‘Rissa, I . . . oh, god please . . .”

Sliding her hands between us she gently parted me and slipped inside my wetness. I think we both moaned then. But before I could fully register that she dipped two fingers inside of me and pressed her thumb against my clit. Gripping the sheet in a death grip I arched my back and cried out in pleasure. She circled my clit a few times with her thumb before she pulled her fingers out and thrust them back inside of me. Moaning I quickly matched the thrust of my hips with the thrusts of her fingers. Our pace gaining speed I could feel my orgasm rising.

Her lips once again found my hardened nipple. Curving her fingers into me just as she sucked hard on my nipple I felt the wave building inside of me break and crest over me. Shudders raced through my body before finally leaving me weak but sated.

Above me she looked down and smiled at me lovingly.

“Now that was beautiful,” she whispered.

Gently she swept my hair from my damp forehead and leaned down briefly to brush her lips against mine. Though my body and hers were both glistening from the afterglow of our love making I was far from done for the night because I ached for more. And in that moment I realized that no matter what we were about to do and no matter how many times we did those same things in the future this ache would never leave me. I would always want her. Always need her. Always ache for her. Because I love her.
_________________
Love is my Salvation and Destruction.

Post Wed Jan 21, 2015 4:31 am 
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Typical Redhead



Joined: 20 Jan 2009
Posts: 24
Location: Australia


Oh my effing God, the ache for this story is finally over....and the ending was truly worth the wait =D

Long time no see raven...

Hope life is treating you well =)
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I miss your warm eyes

Post Mon Feb 09, 2015 4:52 pm 
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