I finally came out of my shell 2 and a half years ago when I meant my current girlfried. She's my first girfriend and I am hers as well. Im now 23 and she is 26.
Somehow we just woke-up one day and well we were already a couple. (we didnt sleep with each other though hehehehe) Anyway when i decided to really push through with the relationship I wasnt really scared. I was part of a theatre group and most of the people I knew were gay the others were bi. The straight ones i knew were strange and so it was never really an issue.
My girl is not like that. Her brother is homophobic, her closet relative (aunt) is a nun. Her environment is really really conservative and she's not very comfortable with people knowing. She actually freaked when she found out I was posting here. I tried to explain that anonymity is preserved here but still she was really angry.
I'm writing this post becasue I want to complain. I want to somplain about nit being able to hold her hand when we walk the street. Im complaning that I have to sit across and not adjacent when we go out together. Am I being selfish to want a little more freedom for affection. I tried to organise a lesbian support group on-line here in my city. She found out and threatened to leave me if I continued.
We've talked about this issue before and she said that I should just give her time. Quite frankly she behaves in public the same way that she's been behaving the apst 2 and a half-years.
It was a long-distance relationship. She was a 5 hour drive away from me but we always made sure to see each other at least 2 times in a month.
A few months ago, she flew overseas.Now Im about to move-in with her. Im scared shitless. I dont know why I'm freaking out.
I feel so guilty to want more. I feel so guilty to sometimes want to be with someone else. But I want to move in with her and I want to be with her.
Is there something wrong with me? HELP my closet queen is driving me crazy! _________________ life is... so BE!
Sat Oct 07, 2006 1:27 pm
TheLChief
Joined: 06 Sep 2006
Posts: 25
Dear midnights,
I think I know a bit how that feels. Dont we all, as lesbians? I dont really have an advice for you, but that specific issue, of having to behave as friends in public weights heavily on my heart too. My gf and I are out to family and friends, which are all more than accepting thank God, but my gf and I dont like drawing attention to us so we avoid holding hands in public or holding each other or kissing...... and it is very sad. It frustrates me so much when I see straight couples exchange a quick kiss at the grocery store or hold each other waiting in line at the water park. I understand the fears your gf has... Would you be the type to just do it and not care what people think? I dont understand how some lesbians can be so out in public, a lot of self esteem and acceptation is require I assume. Geez it even shocks ME when I see lesbians kissing in public. I dont know why, maybe it affects me because I think people will judge ME because of them? Anyway, I am sorry you are going through this
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