I've been reading the boards for awhile but this is my first post, and I'm not even sure if this is the right spot for it. But I've been hanging out with a group of people lately, completely platonic. About a month or so ago a girl that the other people know but I didn't, started hanging out with us as well. And when I first met her, she definately struck me as gay but then I found out she's been dating this guy for over a year now and from what I can tell they are completely in love. When I first met her, I didn't have any feelings for her...she was fun to hang out with but that was it. But in the past few weeks I've been developing extremely strong emotions for her and I don't know what to do. None of the people that I hang out with here at school know that I'm gay which makes it all the more difficult...any suggestions?
Mon Dec 10, 2007 5:10 am
wyrdfae
Joined: 26 Nov 2007
Posts: 6
Location: Houston, Texas, United States
If your school is a safe environment for it, I would suggest coming out. New opportunities may become visible if people know.
I have never had any crushes on women that went anywhere good...yet, so no advice on that. If she does have feelings for you and she left her bf for you, that would put a lot of pressure on you and on the potential relationship.
Mon Dec 10, 2007 11:50 pm
Cubbie11 Guest
The overall environment is pretty safe but it is a Jesuit school so most of the people that go here (including my friends) are pretty closed minded on this subject. I've brought up different things to them like the L Word and just general things and they were basically disgusted at the thought of it. Well the thought of women being gay, they're okay with guys being gay though, which confuses me quite a bit. And one of them has 2 gay cousins, one being a girl and one a guy and she was close to both of them before they came out and now she's only close with the guy and that it grosses her out to be around the girl. So I'm not sure about coming out here yet...but I definately need to because it sucks having to hide such a big part of me around these people who are my really good friends.
And yeah, if anything did happen between us, I don't know that I would let her break up with her boyfriend to be with me. That's too much pressure for a first relationship I think.
Tue Dec 11, 2007 5:00 am
Alice In Quantum Land
Joined: 04 Dec 2007
Posts: 77
I know that this doesn't apply to every one. But I believe that people should come out no matter what the environment is (unless you live in Saudi Arabia or something like that)... But if your life or your physical integrity is not threatened, my suggestion is to come out no matter what. Of course you have to be prepared for it... You have to be strong enough to deal with what other ppl will think of you (my advice is "Don't give a shit about what ppl thinks of you" but that's easier said than done).
You have to know before coming out that the coming out process is something that you will have to do for the rest of your life (unless it's obvious that you are gay.) You will eventually have to come out to strangers, at work etc etc... Every time you meet someone new that will be present in your life for a while. (unless you decide to come out only to ppl that are close to you, which I think is not fully coming out... but of course I respect that) I just want you to know what you are getting yourself into... I hope that you will find the strength to come out... It's soooo worth it. (at least for me it is.)
And as for being scared to loose or "gross out" your friends I will ask you this :
Do you want your friend to love what they think you are or do you want them to love what
you
are ?
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