Hi. Well, I'd like some advice, and this could get kind of long, so if anyone reads this and could help, I'd really appreciate it. First, a little background, just so you know where I stand.
I'm 15, and I'm kind of in the middle of that internal fight of if I'm bi or a lesbian. I've known I was attracted to girls for a long time, so it's not just one of those horny teenager things. I've come out to a few people because I have quite a few gay friends and a great support group. So, hey, I'll just put it out there for a bunch of people I don't know! But I don't really want to talk to them about this because it's so personal. I'm not terribly concerned about if I'm actually a lesbian or not, because I obviously have plenty of time to figure that out. And there is no way I'm coming out to my parents until I'm out of college and can support myself. So those aren't my problems. My problem may actually seem kind of stupid, but here it goes anyway:
It just so happens I'm in love with my choir teacher. She started teaching last year when I was a freshman, so she's just 23, and sweet, kind, beautiful... I could go on forever, but I won't bore you. And she's also straight and married and in love with her husband. But I love her so much. I'm also in the two extracurricular choirs, so I'm around her a lot and have gotten to know her pretty well. I would never try to do anything with her, because I'm just not like that, and ya know, it's illegal. But I want her to know. But I don't know if I should. I don't know how she'd react. If she reacted badly, I would have to live the rest of my life knowing she hates me. Sometimes it seems like she knows already... like she notices how I react whenever she smiles at me or touches me and the way I can't talk to her. I really don't want to ruin the relationship we have right now. Obviously, I'm not quite so deep in that I think we have any chance together, because I know we can't. I know one day we'll leave each other, and I'll have to go on with my life. But she's my first love, and that's special, so I really want her to know. So should i tell her? I wouldn't tell until I'm a senior, though.
If you've finished this and don't think I'm a complete loser and reply to this, thank you very much. =)
Sarah =)
Wed Jan 09, 2008 10:40 pm
j8a20k
Joined: 05 Jan 2008
Posts: 20
Location: somewhere out there
Hi sarah. You're not a loser. Let me ask you, Are you sure that its love? coz it can be only a strong likeness, admiration or crush. _________________ "For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks... The work for which all other work is but preparation."
-Rainer Maria Rilke
Thu Jan 10, 2008 12:15 am
Hawaiian
Joined: 01 Dec 2005
Posts: 816
Location: Transplanted to Africa
Aloha Sarah,
I must say in my administrative voice first, thanks for being honest about your age. And secondly, we will welcome you as a registered member in a few years when you turn 18.
Now, I'll take off my administrator hat and just talk to you, sweetie.
It's your choice to talk to her or not. Teachers are in a position that they know that sometimes this happens. It may be a crush, it may not. Perhaps, you can express to her not that you love her romantically (cause she can't do anything with that knowledge), but how she makes you feel otherwise. She must make you feel quite special. She must encourage you to accomplish things with your singing that you discovered because of her, or even to figure out things that you didn't know about yourself (like maybe your sexuality). It is perfectly acceptable to express this kind of love to someone you think is more than a teacher or more than a friend.
I'm afraid that if you tell her that you love her romantically or sexually, you might be headed for a big disappointment. Focus on the real parts of your love for your choir teacher, and I think you can share those feelings with her.
Hope this helps,
~Hawn _________________ 'A'a i ka hula, e waiho i ka hilahila i ka hale.
Dare to dance, leave your shyness at home.
Thu Jan 10, 2008 10:01 am
Guest
j8a20K: To me, it's love.
First to Hawaiian's 'admin voice:' Yeah... that's part of why I didn't register. Also, my parents are snoops... so this is the last you'll see of me for a long while.
For 'real' Hawaiian, thank you so much. You hit the nail right on the head.
Though I do feel things for her romantically, I know nothing could come of it, so I'll just focus on how she makes me feel otherwise. I'm glad you think it acceptable to say those aspects of how I feel for her.
You are absolutely right in what you said about her making me feel like I can accomplish anything... that's mostly why I feel for her like I do. She's always been a light for me to follow. And if I do tell her anything, that's the kind of thing I would tell her.
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