Joined: 11 Dec 2007
Posts: 16
Location: South, USA
Can't make up my mind
im so lost right now. i have been batteling with telling my family and friends that i am bisexual for months now. i always seem to have these really bad urges to just scream it from the top of my lungs so it will be over with, but i can't. i am terrified what will happen when i confess (that sounds horrible, like being a bisexual is a crime. anyway) i feel like i am living a lie.
i just feel so alone right now. i cant decide who to tell, when to tell, or what to say to even begin. whenever i bring the topic up the responses are so balanced on both negative and positive reactions i cant predict how they are going to take hearing the news from me. and no one is here to help. my girlfriend tries but she already has the support of her friends and her parents know and arent exactly thrilled but are not treating her any differently. my mother just said the other day that she would hate to have to come out in today's society with the fear of loosing all that you have. i cant loose my entire suport system. my mother is like my best friend. i love my family and my friends. i just dont know what to do anymore and i cant seem to find the answers anywhere...
ok well its almost 3 in the morning here. i just needed to get that off my chest. im off to bed now.
Sat Feb 16, 2008 7:53 am
Eilidh Moderators
Joined: 09 Apr 2005
Posts: 1880
(((((((Katalina))))))))
I hope you were able to get some sleep.
Now take a deep breath .... and exhale. Feeling any better?
You can't predict people's reactions with any certainty. You said that there are some clues that might hint at a positive reaction and some at a negative. You have a 50/50 chance. Is the glass half-empty or half-full?
Personally, I would try your mother first. By saying to you that she would hate to have to come out in today's society (not that she "hates" bisexuality or lesbianism), she might be trying to bring up the subject in a non-pressured setting. I'd give her a chance. She may surprise you in a positive way.
Good luck and keep us posted!
Remember that we're here for you if you ever need to talk.
~Eilidh
Sat Feb 16, 2008 12:30 pm
Katalina
Joined: 11 Dec 2007
Posts: 16
Location: South, USA
yea i only got about a hour and half of sleeping before i had to get up to go to work.
it makes sense what you said bout the 50/50 chance. i guess i have always seen the negative and dont want to see the possibility of good. but my situation is weird. a few years back when i had my first relationship with a girl my parents found out and i felt pressured into saying that it wasn't what i wanted and that i liked guys, which is partially true because i do like guys as well. however, i loved my girlfriend. matter a fact she is who i am with now and i feel that our major disconnect is because of my inability to come out to any one. She isnt pressuring me or anything but i feel that im keeping her back because of my inability to speak up.
im still not sure if my mother is the person i should talk with first. she is my mother and my best friend and my link to the entire family. if she is in disapproval than every one will know about my situation in a matter of days.
i think tellling my best friend is the first step. now i just need the courage to take that step.
Sun Feb 17, 2008 4:20 am
Blue_bandana
Joined: 01 Oct 2007
Posts: 49
Katalina,
The 50/50 chance is a good way and pretty much the only way to look at it. You'll never know how someone's going to react until, well, they react. Just make sure that before you walk into a room of uncertainty, that you are certain within yourself first. That way you walk out in the same place as you walked in, no matter what happens in-between.
If you think your best friend is the first step, go with it. The courage is there, just have to get around the build up that the mind creates around it, you know? It's hard to say make lite of it, because it is such a big thing and a wonderful relief when it's done and over with. However, in reality, it's just a few words to come out with. Don't let your thoughts carry on so that you feel you have this mountain to climb. It's not a mountain...and if it is, well, there's a lift on the side to carry you up. Happy to say it's not a J-bar either.
You are far from alone. Your situation and the people whom you have to deal with are specific to you, but there's many many many out there who are walking in your same shoes or have walked in them before. So you're really in a crowd. A big crowd. Lots of people on your side.
I wish you the best, Katalina. Keep your head up.
-Blue
Sun Feb 17, 2008 10:17 am
Katalina
Joined: 11 Dec 2007
Posts: 16
Location: South, USA
thanx Eilidh and Blue for replying. its good to hear other peoples point of view. but it is still hard to do what i know is what needs to be done. but i know who and now im thinking bout when and how. i know if i can just tell my best friend that the entire process would start and it will be a lot easier telling everyone else with that backing.
my birthday is coming up next month so maybe i will tell and let the freedom be my present to myself.
Sun Feb 17, 2008 9:48 pm
Dark prism
Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 865
Location: California Dreamin, baby.
I did it the same way---I told friends first as a practice for telling family. It really does help, especially if you get a positive response, which I did.
I wish you very good luck and hope that they all realize what a gift you are giving them by sharing your true self with them.
Stay strong, hon.
Dp _________________ "Fighting for this girl - on the battlefield of love."
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