So, I came out to my mom a couple years ago. She was actually a lot more ok with it than I had thought. She made it very obvious my happiness was the most important thing. So I've been trying to figure out how to tell my dad since then... My parent's are divorced, since I was 8, and my dad hasn't always been a big part of my life. He lived across the country for years and moved here when I was in 7th grade. I finally got up the guts to tell him (especially thanks to my girlfriend)... And I got my reply yesterday.
He pretty much said... Wait, let me get it right... "Same sex relationships go against who I am as a person and the very core of my beliefs. I have to say that I am both ashamed and disgusted that my daughter has so fully embraced that lifestyle." So... Yeah. He hasn't been that big of a part of my life for awhile now, but it's still not exactly a nice thing to deal with... Plus I'm terrified of losing my relationship with my stepmom and his side of my family...
I really don't know what to do. All my friends here dropped their plans and were there to hold me up, but they pretty much just want to go off on my dad, they aren't giving me any real good REALISTIC ideas... Heh. Anyone have any?
Mon Mar 31, 2008 6:51 am
Eilidh Moderators
Joined: 09 Apr 2005
Posts: 1880
{{{{mthm616}}}},
Firstly, welcome to Mels! You've come to the right place. You'll find a wide variety of women here who will welcome you with open arms.
It sounds like you have some truly loyal friends. Good for you! Your dad may (most likely DOES) need some time to adjust to the new information you have given him. Have you also come out to your stepmom? She may be a little more understanding and if so, may be able to talk some sense into your dad.
As for suggestions, just be sure to surround yourself now with friends and others who are completely supportive of you. If you don't like to hear your friends badmouth your dad, don't be afraid to tell them so.
Give your dad some time; he may surprise you. Meanwhile, pop into chat here at Mels. Many of us have been through similar situations, so we can be particularly understanding. We're always here if you want to talk.
Above all, keep your chin up!
~Eilidh
Mon Mar 31, 2008 12:53 pm
Dark prism
Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 865
Location: California Dreamin, baby.
Hi mthm and welcome to Mels,
Wheareas we sit and stew about this issue and usually slowly come to terms with it over time and have that time to slowly accept it, this news is usually thrust on our parents with no or little warning and sometimes it can be quite shocking. Just as we had our process to go through in accepting this because it is not necessarily a societal norm, our parents also have to go through their own process of understanding and accepting this.
Give him some time. Let him come to terms with it. I hope he realizes what he might be losing by holding onto old sterotypical ideas, but regardless, it is his choice, and all you can do is let him make it. You are not the one closing down and not loving unconditionally here, he is, and that is his choice, just a poor one if he makes it.
I think your friends are just trying to support you and are protective over you. If it bothers you to hear there negative comments, then just tell them the same thing you want to hear from him.....that he is still your father and you still love him no matter what.
Give it time, hon, and try to keep lines of communication open if possible. It's all you can really do.
Good luck.
Dp _________________ "Fighting for this girl - on the battlefield of love."
Mon Mar 31, 2008 7:47 pm
amos_l
Joined: 10 Jul 2007
Posts: 8
I agree with the advice given here, I just thought I would let you know that my dad didnt take it that well when I told him about my gf. That was in July time. Since then he has slowly come to accept my gf and realise that she is a great person and that I have fallen in love with a person and I couldnt help it. He even said the other day (out of nowhere) that we can stay in the same bedroom when we visit the house. (we have not both stayed in the house together before, i didnt ask him as i didnt want to put him in that position) I would agree with seeing how your stepmum takes the news, mine has been really supportive and I think she has really helped my dad come to terms with everything.
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