Joined: 02 Apr 2008
Posts: 1
Location: Philadelphia
i think i might...? probably.
I'm feeling pretty lost with myself right now...hence the moniker. I guess I should start with my current situation. I'm in a relationship with a guy, but I am miserable. He's not the right guy for me and I know it...very caring, completely enamored with me (he wishes to marry me someday! yikes!), but very immature in the "my parents coddled me WAYYYYY too much and I am 26 going on 14" kinda of way. Definitely puts a damper on things. I'm also not sexually interested in him - AT ALL. Or any guy, really.
All my past relationships have been with guys, but I never really felt fulfilled from any of them. Alcohol has been a major factor in my sex life, and until recently I was ok with that. I just figured that due to my past I just needed something to sorta 'help things along'. Until I was told I had to stop drinking (for health reasons) and now the idea of sex with a guy repulses me. I'm fine with flirting with guys, but as soon as things take a turn for the serious I clam up and become increasingly uncomfortable...which is probably why I have never had any sort of long term relationships. Add in that I was raped in the past and guys in general make me uneasy and....well I guess some of the signs were there. I find guys attractive, but beyond that it just stops. I find myself noticing girls more and more lately.
I have fooled around (and had sex with) girls casually and really enjoyed it, but never entertained the idea of seriously dating a girl until recently. Now I can't get the concept out of my head. I don't know if it's some kind of silly obsession or the fact that I'm gay just finally consciously surfacing. I have talked to my mom about my confusion (she and I talk about EVERYTHING, she's great) and she's cool with it - said she doesn't care who I date as long as I'm happy, and my dad is dating a bisexual woman so I know coming out to my parents is no big deal...it's just the whole figuring out things for myself that's the issue.
A friend who recently came out and I are going to a lesbian bar later this week so I'm hoping being in that sort of situation will help me start to figure things out.. If not I guess it's back to square one.
I guess what my issue is....is where do I start? I guess beyond breaking off the relationship I'm not happy with is the first thing to take care of, but beyond that I am clueless.
Wed Apr 02, 2008 5:16 am
realwoman
Joined: 05 Dec 2005
Posts: 1040
Location: under our tree in Africa
Re: i think i might...? probably.
quote:Originally posted by lost_gurl:
I guess what my issue is....is where do I start? I guess beyond breaking off the relationship I'm not happy with is the first thing to take care of, but beyond that I am clueless.
Dear (((((((((((((lostgurl)))))))))))
Firstly, pleased to meet you, and WELCOME TO MELS!!
Secondly, regarding your question, I think you have started already, by starting to be honest with yourself about what your needs are, not only sexually, but also intellectually, and emotionally. It is not always easy for us to be honest with ourselves regarding these things, and it takes some hard inner work to figure it out, to figure out what we really want and need, especially when it comes to our emotional needs. But you started already down this exiting road.
Enjoy watching the ladies at the lesbian bar, but remember, if the 'scene' maybe does not appeal to you, dont base your judgment about who you are just on that... Arm yourself with knowledge, read up on the internet (on this site specifically, to avoid the ,male-inspired yuck out there), and learn to accept yourself, and learn to love yourself, even those aspects that you currently dont like about yourself, and you will discover a wonderful person - the real YOU!!
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