---part14---
She stands, grabs a thick white blanket from the closet and throws it over Sabrina then lies under as well. She feels Sabrina’s legs along hers, cool and lean like stripped branches and feels her belly quivering. She places a hand on her clammy skin, between her breasts where the skin is taut and smooth and her heart beats like a small bird. Sabrina stops shivering as her lips fade from purple to lush red and then pink again. She rolls to her side, puts her arm around Sigrid and closes her eyes.
The room is overcast, despite its whiteness and fragrant with vanilla and gardenias. The rain beats across the windows, like an angry friend spitting curses, and the sky darkens to a disturbing shade of gray. Sabrina opens her eyes, meets Sigrid’s crystalline blue eyes watching her, still and calm, like an aquamarine jewel. Sigrid on the silk sheets, naked beneath the covers is like a marble statue, flawlessly crafted yet hard and undisturbed.
“Claude left for Beijing early one morning, before I had awoken. He left a note with Lo, to be delivered to me with my morning cup of coffee. That morning as usual, she came in with her silver tray, and bangles jingling around her wrists and ankles, balancing a porcelain cup of hot coffee and a milk bun, barefoot with a bowed head. I woke up that morning feeling cold and suddenly very afraid to be alone. I must have been a little over three months pregnant by then.”
Sigrid puts a hand on Sabrina’s cheeks leans toward her and kisses her lower lip. Sabrina opens her eyes and shakes her head gently. She touches where Sigrid’s back curves to her bottom.
“Lo put the tray on the bed, bowed and started to leave. I told her I was pregnant and that I was afraid. She looked at me, with those huge eyes of hers, put her hands together and bowed again. She told me that she would be working in the garden with the other women that morning and that’s where I could find her if she needed anything. I stayed in bed the whole day, reading Claude’s note and thought about the child growing inside me. That day was the longest I had ever lived, in that bed alone with nothing and nobody to comfort me. As the evening drew near and I could see the change in the light I went to find Lo.
She was in the garden, alone, pacing barefoot along a row of hibiscus flowers. I watched her walk freely, barefoot with all that long silky hair blowing in the breeze. I called her and she swung around to face me. She tied her hair in a bun and in that instant I had never felt more alone in my life. She came to me, bowed down. I asked her why she hadn’t gone home like the others and she told me Claude had arranged that she stay with me while he was away. That is how Claude does things. He writes me passionate love notes but fails to mention things like hiring Lo to stay with me. I felt so ashamed but I recovered quickly when she scurried past me mumbling something about cooking.”
The room is still and all that can be heard is Sabrina’s rhythmic breathing syncopated with the endless taps of rain drops against the window. Sigrid rubs her fingers down Sabrina’s chest resting at her warm navel and then gently finds her way to the stat of silky hair. She eases her hand between Sabrina’s legs, prodding the soft folds with her finger and rubbing gently. Sabrina’s eyes are fixed on Sigrid’s aquamarine jewels, her intense stare into the dark honey colored face and glossed eyes.
“That night Lo and I sat on my bedroom floor, on giant colorful cushions since the floors were hard pink marble. It was a beautiful house, open for light and air, carved arches and balconies and a garden full of hibiscus and magnolias. We were on a hill and the sea was just below. It was the first home I had been in since Claude and I were married and I was thrilled that our child would be born in such a mystical environment and not a cramped apartment in a busy city. I knew it wasn’t home forever but it was ours for just long enough.
Lo cooked rice and vegetables with flat bread and she showed me how to eat with my fingers. It was the first time I had ever seen her smile as the food always dripped from my pocket of bread. The electricity went out that night and for miles around the flicker of lighting surrounded us. Lo told me that she was from Delhi originally and moved to Madras when she was fifteen to marry a man she was promised to. She married him, but when he learned that she could not have children he left her alone and penniless. Her parents refused to take her back so she found work as a servant. As she told me her eyes seemed to grow darker and more mysterious. We washed our fingers in rosewater and talked about when we were girls and eventually she went to her room near the kitchen. It happened so innocently, so naturally I hadn’t a moment to even consider the consequences of what I was doing. I thought about her that night, about being near her, tasting her, feeling her body in my hands.”
Sigrid strokes as Sabrina writhes beneath the sheets. She twists her legs helplessly as if trying to push Sigrid out, but the older woman strums harder, concentrating on the rhythm of her body. Sabrina’s heart beats wildly and she feels like a plugged geyser, bubbling within, ready to explode. She rubs her forehead, rubs her knees together, feels the beads of sweat collecting at the base of her throat and a marvelously juicy feeling ready to crash out from between her legs.
“I dreamt about Lo in my arms, in my bed, touching me and allowing me to touch her. I tried to imagine what she would look like under her sari, if her skin was as soft as it looked. The next morning I woke up and it was raining so hard the sea and sky looked like one. The air was so thick with water and heat and my skin was so unbearably hot and my head was spinning. I was a little over three months pregnant and I hadn’t really felt the affects of the child until then. I could hardly see; I had to feel my way down the corridor to her room. I found her kneeling on the floor, in such a deep state of prayer I was immediately sorry for disturbing her. Can you believe it? I was ready to pass out and I was sorry! She let me rest in her bed, and cooled my forehead with a cloth.”
Sabrina’s body jerks, her buttocks clench, lift from the sheet and crash back down. She trembles, sighs and bites her lips until the corners are white.
“Lo washed my arms and legs with bay rum as I lay in her bed. She was so careful, go gentle with me. She opened a few buttons on my pajamas and wiped around my breasts and down my stomach. I started to undo them all and she rested her hands on mine. She looked so afraid. So much like a little girl who had seen something she was not supposed to.”
Sigrid rubs the slippery skin, pushes her fingers deep into Sabrina and winces as the sharp pelvic bones jut into her wrists. Sabrina grabs hold of the sheet as Sigrid rubs the perked clitoris. She feels the juices pouring from her, a sting of relief and excitement and closes her eyes. Sigrid rests her most hand on Sabrina’s belly, smiles sweetly and kisses her lower lip. _________________ "We strive for beauty and balance, the sensual over the sentimental."
Tue Oct 19, 2004 2:39 am
Athena
Joined: 26 Aug 2004
Posts: 314
Location: Berlin
---part 15---
The rain is slick across the windows distorting Paris like a swirl of gray and black. Sabrina feels warm, calm and at the same time a little sick with fear. She looks up at the ceiling, white and smooth, not like the chipped water stained ceiling at Astrid’s. She cannot tell whether Sigrid is sleeping; her eyes are closed but she cannot tell. Sigrid’s profile is definite, a face that does not leave the memory easily. She studies the gentle slope of her nose, the slight clef in her chin and the “L” her jaw line makes as it approaches her ear.
Sabrina feels small in the bed, like Alice suddenly thrown into a world where everything is twice the size it should be. Sigrid turns her head and smiles. Her lips are soft pink, offset by her very pale skin. She blinks and suddenly Sabrina feels as if she is a perfect fit in her world again.
“I waited months for lo. I waited for her to return my glances, to smile at me, to take my hand and touch me the way she did that day. We did not sit on the ground and eat or laugh. She did not speak to me about her family, or her desires. She was like a stranger. I hated her in the morning when the other women came and she laughed with them and hung wet clothes to dry. I hated how she sat with them, allowing them to feed her the lunches they brought from home. She would walk by me, drag her sari over her face and pass without even a hello. And at night, as the sun set over Madras and the palms swayed I felt like my whole world was about to end. I waited for her to speak to me, hoping that she would break the silence and just speak to me. I started to hate my Lo for treating me that way. Claude wrote almost every day from Beijing. His letters were the only thing that kept me sane those days. We wrote love letters and he even sent me a jade fertility amulet. I didn’t tell him I was pregnant. I didn’t want him rushing home to me taking me back to Germany where I wouldn’t have my Lo. Even if she didn’t speak to me, I couldn’t think of a life when I did not see her every day.”
Her eyes seemed to shine, to sparkle like ice in frigid waters. Sabrina is amazed by how she could look at Sigrid, memorizing her every line and crease, the slights twitches in her face when she does not speak and the perfect ovals her mouth make when words escaped. She feels inferior again, too small, too bony, like an obvious misprint in a magazine, like the one dark marble standing out for everybody to stare at.
“Are you feeling better now?”
Sabrina is startled to hear Sigrid address her. Her mind is in Madras, in courtyards full of jasmine and almond trees and women with thick, black hair. “I am warm.” She smiles, a thin, innocent smile.
“Put on your clothes and go home, okay. I must run some errands before my husband comes home.”
“What?” Sabrina sits up and watches Sigrid’s stoic face, looking only at the ceiling”
“Are you joking?“ Sigrid does not move. “Why did you bring me here? Why did you bring me back? What are you trying to do?” A tear escapes down her cheek.
“Child!” Sigrid slams a fist on the bed. Sabrina almost forgets she is in a solid bed and grabs hold of the sheet, as if suddenly flailing in a raging sea. “My husband will be angry if you are here, in our bed, naked. You don’t have to go home, but you cannot stay here when he arrives.” Her gaze is fixed on the ceiling. Sabrina notices a vibrating movement in Sigrid’s throat; she swallows.
“I hate you,” She says as if just discovering a new emotion. As if trying to convince herself. “I hate you!” She screams and then her voice abandons her. She pulls the blanket from the bed and knocks over a vase of gardenias, resting on a wooden wardrobe. The porcelain vase smashed and scatters around the room. She immediately looks to Sigrid who does not flinch as she lays naked on the bed. Sabrina stands still, and cries helplessly. Sigrid closes her eyes. The girl, thin, and wrapped in a blanket, tiptoes around the jagged pieces and puts the damp clothes back on her body. _________________ "We strive for beauty and balance, the sensual over the sentimental."
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