How do you feel about coming out to female friends?
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peasinapod7
Joined: 09 Nov 2007
Posts: 2
How do you feel about coming out to female friends?
This is a topic which has been bothering me as of late. So far, I have only come out to my brother (who was incredibly supportive, by the way) and I am sure my parents have an inkling due to off the cuff comments I have made regarding the subject. The people that I worry about the most are my female friends, particularly my roommate to whom I am extremely close, but only as a friend. I fear that if I tell her, she might think that our close relationship is the result of me trying to make a move on her, which is not the case. I don't think I could stand living with her if she reacts badly. The only tidbit of comfort is that she knows I feel nothing for men, but we have put that down to "not having found the right one" in our conversations, a phrase I grow to hate more and more each day.
I would love to hear some advice. Thanks~
P.S. Adding to my reluctance is the fact that I loved and had crushes on boys up until the age of 14 (I am 22 now) and have never had a deep crush on a woman, so I don't even know if I would be lying to myself if I came out as a lesbian since this could just be "a phase."[/i]
Fri Nov 09, 2007 4:44 am
FEMI
Joined: 14 Nov 2007
Posts: 7
I know how you feel
Don't worry a couple of weeks ago I just came out to my parents and told them I was bi, they were okay with it and I had only been having thoughts for women for about 2 years. I know it most be the worst thing to come out to your female friend I would difinetely feel nervous. But honestly I don't think your lying to yourself. That's what I used to think before, that it was just a phase that would go away, but the more you ignore the more curious you get. You might just hate how men's personality are sometimes that is how I feel towards them, but if you feel something and think about women then is as simple that you are bi or a lesbian. I suggest that you tell your firend what you been feeling, and explain to her that you do not see her as someone you like that you see her as a sister. It is always so much better to tell it to someone, because then you feel really free. _________________ FEMI
Fri Nov 16, 2007 8:02 pm
nyc emo girl Guest
It's not as bad as you think
Just like you I had my reservations and fears about coming out to my female friends. It was especially hard for me because when you are in high school, image becomes a big part of expectance, and I was afraid that my friends, particularly female friends, would not want to be my friend because others would think they were gay too. I decided to tell the one female friend that I thought would react the worst first because I figured I would get it over with. She was shocked, a little confused and blindsided first, but she surprisingly took it very well. There was an initial question about whether or not I liked her, but when I told her that I honestly just wanted to be friends, everything went smoothe from there. I then decided to tell all of my other close female friends, and I got positive reactions from all of them. I remember being so surprised when all of my female friends reacted so well to my news, but now that I look back on it, there was really no reason to be surprised. I picked a group of friends who are loving and supportive of me no matter what happens. So dont stress it, as hard as it may be. Just know that if your friends are truely there for you and love you, they will support you. Know that even though telling them wil be hard, it will lift a weight off your shoulders that you didnt even know you had. I know that I felt so much better after my friends knew, and now that I am going off to college and preparing to tell my parents, it fells good to have friends who i can confide in and get advice from. Good luck, and remember, dont stress it.
Sun Nov 18, 2007 2:15 am
SKYY
Joined: 10 Aug 2007
Posts: 57
Location: western, ma. usa
just let her know that the attraction you feel for her is strictly plutonic, and that you feel most comfortable talking to her about it because of that friendship. and remind her that she'll never need to worry about you stealing her boyfriend!! anyways thats one of the qualities that has acted as a bonus for me _________________ Scars are Souvenirs you never lose. But you still have to pay for them.
________________________________________________________________________
Damn the man!! Save the Empire!!!
Mon Nov 19, 2007 12:28 am
wyrdfae
Joined: 26 Nov 2007
Posts: 6
Location: Houston, Texas, United States
Don't get too hung up on telling her you are a lesbian. You can tell her that there are women you have feelings for. At least you won't have to feel like you are hiding something from her.
Attraction is more about a specific person than the gender of that person. Any reasonable person who cares for you as friend won't find it threatening.
Fri Nov 30, 2007 2:43 am
Jess819
Joined: 30 Nov 2007
Posts: 10
Location: USA
I have to tell you that telling my friends was the easiest thing for me. It's telling my Mom that I'm having the worst time with. I also very recently came out to my sister-in-law. She was incredibly supportive. All of my close friends know that I'm involved with a woman and they are all supportive. One piece of advice that I was given was to kinda make sure that your friends aren't homophobic before saying anything, not that, that should be your problem, but it may save you some hardship/awkward moments. Good Luck!
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