I am wanting to come out , but I have a boyfriend.
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Athora
Joined: 11 Nov 2007
Posts: 3
I am wanting to come out , but I have a boyfriend.
Ok, I am almost 26 and have been in long term relationships with men for most of my life. I have never been with a woman. But ever since I can remember, I always felt different than most..or like something was wrong with me. As I got older I started to become attracted to girls, my friends sometimes as well.
I usually just tried to stop the feelings or make some excuse for them and I continued to get into bad relationships with men. When I was with my first boyfriend I began to fantasize about women and have till this day. My interest in sex with a male started to decrease from then. But I tried to convince myself there was no way I could be gay. After my last relationship failed my ex was the first person I somewhat came out to. It has been a year since that ended and I continued to try to keep this a secret and deny it.
I am currently in a long distance relationship...my second one in a year. But I am unhappy as great as he is to me. I knew for a while I was bi sexual, but I tried to ignore it. I want to have an opportunity to meet a great girl and see where that goes but I don't have any idea how to do that...and I don't know what to tell my boyfriend...I don't want to hurt him and I do care about him. But I feel like if I don't explore this part of me and I deny it for the rest of my life, it will ruin me from the inside out.
It has become increasingly hard lately. I find myself crying myself to sleep at night because I yearn to be with a woman. And not just sexually...completely. And no one has any idea. As for being attracted to men...the only attraction is wanting to love someone, having that closeness. When I was about 18 and still in my 7 year relationship....I stopped being sexually attracted to men altogether.
I feel I have come out to myself, though part of me still wants to deny it and I feel ashamed. It is not just a curiousity. It is something I have felt and known for as long as I can remember. I don't know what my first step should be....
But I feel that if I continue living a lie...it will slowly hurt me...it already hurts. *sigh*
Is anyone in the same boat? Or has anyone been here before? I just need some help .
~J.
Sun Nov 11, 2007 4:17 am
jbl
Joined: 19 Aug 2007
Posts: 25
Sweetie, I so know where you are - except in my case I have a husband and two children as well. It is SO, SO, SO hard - but so worthwhile to know yourself, to own yourself. things have never been more difficult for me in many ways, but I've also never been better with who I am. Being honest with myself and the people in my life has changed my life.
I've been writing about my feelings in my blog (the link is in my sig line) and that has really helped me process some things as well. You might want to try just journaling about things to find some clarity.
Tue Nov 13, 2007 3:23 am
HurleyGurly
Joined: 11 Oct 2007
Posts: 37
Location: New York
Hey Athora,
first of all.. know and understand that you are in NO way "not normal".. and sweetheart you have NOTHING to be ashamed about... In fact you should be proud, to have begun to come to terms with your feelings about women. Coming out to yourself, and to the world around is a process- just liek everything else. Theres no need to rush or do anything that you are uncomfortable with. Take your time, choose your own pace. It seems as though you have already started the prcoess, and now build on that-- but don't force it- just let it come naturally.
As far as your boyfriend goes, the best thing that i can tell you is to just be honest. be honest about the situation and your feelings. If you feel as though your ready to explore and test the waters, then fulfill your desire to do so. After all- in the long run you NEED to do what you have to do to be happy.. TOTALLY happy..
Maybe as a suggestion, to sort of put your feet in the water is to read a lesbian centered book, or watch a movie... see if it makes you more comfortable.. Clearly joining and becoming active on this site is an AMAZINGLY great step so CONGRATS =)
Whatever you decide to do, just do it at your leisure, never feel pressured, or ashamed. Allow your feelings to be free and work off of that.
I hope that i helped.
My best,
Hurley
Tue Nov 13, 2007 9:03 pm
FEMI
Joined: 14 Nov 2007
Posts: 7
I'm in your situation right now
Listen while i was reading your post i was like wow that is me right there! and you have actually made me think about coming out to my boyfriend and telling him. My relationship with my boyfriend is complete in all ways, but i feel like he has had more experience and is sure of himself. I'm not so sure about myself and have the desire to be with a woman too. I longed to have a relationship like the one i have with my bf but with a woman. And i don't know where to start, i feel like if i let go of my bf i might make a mistake and will hurt him a lot. All my family and my bf thinks is that we are a perfect happy couple, but in reality i've cried and have so many repress feelings inside. It looks like your relationship is serious with this guy since it has lasted 7 years! but i really think that if you can't keep those feelings away and that you feel no love at all for you bf then you should leave him and go to a woman. I think you might be hurting him more by lying to him. You should really explore life and don't think about what mistakes you might make in the future, just live how you feel the most happiest at that moment. Your boyfriend has to understandd that and you too. So don't live like this anymore, you should be happy and find your real love. _________________ FEMI
Fri Nov 16, 2007 8:22 pm
BitterSweetNy
Joined: 27 Nov 2007
Posts: 9
Location: Lancaster to Bakersfield, CA
I remember that feeling
Sweets, Four years ago I was in the same place. maybe not exactly the same but very similar. I had many boyfriends and many sexual liasons with men. Never were any of them truly fulfilling. I honestly believe that I had never fallen in love with any boyfriend or even felt completely sexually satisfied with them either. When I realized what I was really feeling, I just did it. Told my very best friends. At the time they were my family. Surprisingly they were very supportive. But my most important boyfriend was a jerk. He stopped talking to me. Our very strong friendship became a big bag of nothing. Four years later. I am happier than I ever thought I could be. And thats after a storm like relationship with my first love. I am just happier because I no longer have to wonder whats wrong with me or if everyone will understand. _________________ Nya Girl...Finally Becoming a Woman.
"In life when things get hard, I will not fall down I will find a way or make one. Failure is not an option"
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