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The fear of coming out but wasn't so bad.

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Elena1980

Joined: 11 Dec 2007
Posts: 4
Location: NY

The fear of coming out but wasn't so bad.

I was in denial for a long time. I would date men but did not feel comfortable sleeping with them. I told a few of my friends a couple of years ago I think I may be a lesbian but they just told me that they think I feel that way because I am uncomfortable sleeping with men. I would listen to how much my straight friends were in love and loved sex and could never connect.

A few of my straight friends got me into the L Word and I found myself to crave that type of relationship. I would watch it over and over again because I felt I could relate to it. This past year I started looking online to meet women. It wasn't until August when I joined a lesbian dating site and met someone I knew that I was into women.

I met someone and we talked all day and night for a few weeks. Things moved very quickly because we felt comfortable with eachother. One day we finally met when she came up to see me and it was a complete disaster. We both seemed completely different in person then on the phone. I was also scared because it was my first time dating a woman. I was on a brink of a panic attack all day so I came across as very nervous and she picked that up.

After the diasterous night she left and I felt horrible. I sat outside drank beer and cried. No one knew what was going on but I had to tell someone. I felt like I was going into crisis. I called a friend and then my roommate and told them about me. My friend wasn't surprised she figured it out when I told her I was dating "someone" and my roommate was cool with it too. The next day, I called out of work and spent the day in tears. I then told my mother and a few of my other friends. I fell hard for her fast and could not handle these emotions.

We did start talking again and we started to see eachother every weekend. I fell in love fast. I started to tell everyone that was close to me and fortunately everyone was very accepting even though a few people thought it was a phase and go back to men.

I've never felt so comfortable with someone before. I am scared to death she will leave me and we do have a lot of the same issues. She reads me very well more than anyone else in my life. We sense eachothers' moods and feelings and its not always a good thing. Lately we have been fighting a lot because we have both been hurt in the past but I am trying to work on myself because I love her and I want to work through this.

I guess this is long enough! Laughing

I'll end it now.

Tue Dec 11, 2007 2:12 pm

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