My dear, I do not know where I am
I do not think I ever 'knew' much except my own evolution twisting and prodding
the light and dark together
I do not think I ever felt much without the taunt of barriers from some
tragic this or that making me crawl into corners every so often
but you love me
and it heals my faith
I don't always understand that love of a woman like you
I really don't
I know what I am not, how could I have chosen a deserving love on my own
except for fate being kind to me
and even then I know it is a gift
But I also know I am not giving my best right now
and you should know that I do know that
there is this conflict within me about the nature of things
I am afraid of my own ability to shut out
and be cruel to the beliefs that anything lasts outside of god
Oh the rebel in me, the two selves
torn into shreds by now over a continuous fence of life
Suicide doesn't work, it was selfish and I survived
and now I do not know how to live, not completely
each side of the fence doesn't make sense, not completely
I clench the confusion and make it mine as if
I could squeeze some sense out of it
after being chased by it for years
but you love me through this as if that is my saving grace in life
maybe you see something I don't
Read a poem once that said, “Lord the hardest part is people'
Maybe it should also read
the hardest part is also self
in the reality of things
All this aside
I choose to love you better
as vulnerable as bleeding into your hands
and being here as I am
purging forth my inadequacies as well as my passions intact
for loving, and trying more, and more and again and again
to give myself more in self sacrifice
killing the fears
and trusting your love for me
Because I love you this much
and offer you the same
in the only thing I am sure of
that I will not forsake you from fear
...
Sun Sep 06, 2009 4:35 pm
MysteryGirl Moderators
Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3419
Location: I come from a land downunder
Dance
I don/t always comment on your work cause sometimes it just seems so damn personal that i feel as if I am intruding on someone in confession or at prayer. But I just wanted you to know that this piece filled my soul, I can't say exactly what it made me feel but perhaps that is not necessary. It made me FEEL and that's what important. TY
HugZ, Noni _________________ Be yourself.............everybody else is taken!
Mon Sep 07, 2009 12:19 am
DanceofSorrows
Joined: 29 Aug 2004
Posts: 2837
(((Noni,J)))
Awww I loved your responses
Dance~
Tue Sep 08, 2009 7:49 pm
Ashelita
Joined: 03 Mar 2007
Posts: 96
Location: an african soul living in england
no words...just thoughts and feelings...words are inadequate sometimes... _________________ "You'll never be able to dance unless you hear your own music .......... the words on your lips must reflect the truth of your heart. Otherwise your life's breath is muted."
-Carl A Hammerschlag-
Fri Oct 02, 2009 9:22 pm
DanceofSorrows
Joined: 29 Aug 2004
Posts: 2837
Ash,
Smile, thanks.
Dance~
Mon Oct 05, 2009 4:23 pm
Eilidh Moderators
Joined: 09 Apr 2005
Posts: 1880
Dance,
Thank you for having the courage to share such a raw write. It's writers like you who let others know they are not so alone after all.
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