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Joplin On Parade (Edited Version) Please read both and...(F)

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EverydayAngelKarie



Joined: 07 Mar 2007
Posts: 761
Location: Lakewood, CA 		Joplin On Parade (Edited Version) Please read both and...(F)

 tell me what you think. Which do you prefer? Anything I could do to make either poem better? This is basically a long-winded version of the original.

Joplin on Parade 8-14-2011 (Edit Version 3)

When you drove me home after the red rock party fight,
black checkers trailed through your eyes like Nascar flags
encouraging speedway flare and salt flat stride.
Your pupils were spinning like kaleidoscopes and hot box tornados
over sea-cliff trips and back and back flips on illegal caps,
Portabella but apparently “NOT Por-Ta-Bella!”
Your mouth was full of spit while you spoke.
The powdered foam shot from your cherry spouting lips
and splattered across your road-rashed jeans.
You yelled about the sudden change in elevation,
about speed bumps, speed limits, speed racer,
speed demons, speed, speed, and speed.
I wiped the white-word crumbs from your pants with my fingers
and lingered on the tears that exposed your flesh like fresh shark wounds.
Then we were idol hotrod in my driveway.
You smiled charming, awake and invincible.
Spinning, still spinning, but not quite spinning as fast as the Earth’s axis spins.
I couldn’t resist your gravity and we kissed like sweet, sweet magnets.
Molten lava coffee jargon exploded from our energy
and we melted together like phantoms in fantasia.
Molecules. Atoms. Galaxies. Spinning.
The blood from my busted party mouth
painted a shoegaze concerto across your diamond lips,
and I left your car like a flower-haired Joplin on parade.
Post Sun Aug 14, 2011 8:11 pm 
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