I looked over as the door handle began to turn
The door opened and she walked in
Bundled in warm clothes
Eskimo hooded!
Cheeks pink from flu,
And I, once again,
Enchanted.
She sat by the heater
Hands stuffed in bottomless pockets
As usual concerned about everyone
Everyone but herself!
But she had to go too sick to stay.
So she walked out again.
Opened the door and stepped out.
Taking my heart with her
In one of her bottomless pockets.
Tue Sep 08, 2009 11:51 am
MysteryGirl Moderators
Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3419
Location: I come from a land downunder
This is lovely WW, I think you captured beautifully how it feels when someone has our heart and they are so totally unaware of the fact.
HugZ, Noni _________________ Be yourself.............everybody else is taken!
Tue Sep 08, 2009 1:13 pm
smart_cookie
Joined: 12 Aug 2006
Posts: 2310
Location: USA
Omg. This is just.....so beautiful and well done. And as MG said, we never know the effect we may have on someone, all unknowing. Thank you for sharing this sweet and poignant little gem.
Sat Mar 06, 2010 1:17 am
SummerJoy
Joined: 11 Jul 2005
Posts: 198
Location: England
Your poem economically shaped but carved with emotion. Enjoyed so much.
SummerJoy
Sun Mar 21, 2010 7:54 pm
WonderWhy
Joined: 25 Jun 2009
Posts: 244
Thank you so much for your kind comments MG, Smart Cookie and Summer Joy.
Wed Mar 24, 2010 9:28 am
Eilidh Moderators
Joined: 09 Apr 2005
Posts: 1880
WW,
I agree with SummerJoy in terms of structure. I also think this poem could expand into a beautiful story
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