When you’re in the room
I try not to look
like food I’m not supposed to eat
if I ever want my stomach to stop growing over my belt.
When I do anyway, it’s never enough,
a finger dipped in frosting
never tastes as good as the whole cake.
I try to avoid listening to the songs
that make me feel my feelings
more than actually seeing you can.
It’s time travel back to hoping,
the influence of an enabler friend
that chimes, “the worst thing she can say is no”
then shrivels up in apology when you’re on the phone crying.
I try not to write about you anymore
as if words could be starved to death like a body,
as though I could Pickett sign my heart into changing its policy.
All I’ve done is circle the same thoughts like a lost driver.
I’ve been around this block a thousand times now,
but cant stop the car.
I try not to drink the drink
that makes me feel my feelings
like a catastrophe instead of happenstance.
Feelings I’m suddenly sure need to be heard
instead of deliberately hidden in these poems.
Before I reach for my phone
I remember that love can be a burden when it isn’t mutual
and fear is quite sobering.
I tried not to know you from day one,
you thought I was being mean or difficult
but, I was only guarding myself.
Trapped by your eyes as a fly in a spiders web
seeing a thousand angles of its death, I had this premonition
that you were going to set my heart on fire and then run away;
like some doorbell prank kids play to build up bravery for real danger.
I try not to wait
for the other half to happen
but I know too much about that shoe.
You’ll find a new job or walk in wearing a ring that isn’t decorative
and it will drop.
Til then, I’ll try not to stare when you’re in the room
but for all the times I can’t later,
I do. _________________ shemovesme.wordpress.com
Sat Mar 16, 2013 3:55 am
MdmPrez
Joined: 16 Oct 2007
Posts: 803
Location: US of A
brach
Firstly, I love your work.
The image this creates in me is so real. I picture everything you said.
I love the message and it hurts reading this.
It's outstanding!
Mdm
Sat Mar 16, 2013 11:45 pm
MysteryGirl Moderators
Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3419
Location: I come from a land downunder
I feel somewhat like an uneasy voyeur when I read your work Brach...knowing I shouldn't be there doing this, but totally unable to look away. As always, eloquently put in a series of descriptive word pictures.
HugZ, MG _________________ Be yourself.............everybody else is taken!
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