Way to go. This is so amazing. So full of depth and direction. You never feel like its disjointed, you kept the flow, eventhough its written in patches. That is hard to do, so Bravo! I am glad to have a new friend, especially such a talented one. There are so many things I would love to hear your opinion about. Sorry I kept you up until 3am, I know my bad. LOL You have to make me stop laughing, it distracts me from the time. So this is my reply of your story, it is amazing. But remember this is coming from your friend The Porn Queen.
Much love and hugs,
~Sweet Tee
p.s.-I am going to need your help when I write my own. _________________ The only things to regret in life, are those you never attempted.
*Please Note!*
If you enjoy getting a reply from a poet,
be thoughtful and reply to that poet's work.
Don't be the one that stops the circle,
of good feelings and sharing thoughts.
Tue Jun 21, 2005 7:08 am
SWAY
Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Posts: 1560
Location: Upstate NY
LMAO
I cant stop laughing at The Porn Queen !!!!!!
sorry _________________ Giving myself to others has made me jaded...
Fri Jun 24, 2005 4:46 pm
Jules
Joined: 22 Feb 2005
Posts: 904
Location: Home
Rave.....you are such a tease girl....finish it already... _________________ Never again
Sat Jun 25, 2005 8:38 pm
Raven
Joined: 20 Jan 2005
Posts: 1409
Location: Basking in the Garden
A loud thump woke her hours later. Rubbing her eyes, her vision finally adjusted and she stared in shock as Raven lay half in and half out of the apartment. Fear enveloped her heart as she rushed to the collapsed woman.
Seeing Raven’s chest rise and fall steadily calmed her some, but she still didn’t know why she was passed out on the floor. Hesitantly, she touched Raven’s cheek. The action bringing with it a quick flash of her earlier daydream.
Raven’s eyes fluttered open. They seemed unfocused and distant, but they captured Marissa’s full attention just as totally as in her dream.
“Marissa,” Raven’s whisper sounded pained and bruised. Her breath hit Marissa in the face and Marissa at last understood the situation as the smell of alcohol tickled her nose. Her worry redoubled.
She doesn’t drink.
Suddenly Raven rolled over and heaved, some of it hitting Marissa’s robe.
Helping her though it, mumbling nonsense and holding back her hair, Marissa waited until Raven rolled back over.
“Come on, love. Let’s get you off the floor.” Helping her rise, the two stumbled to the couch where she left Raven while she closed and locked the door. Ignoring the mess on the floor she headed for the bathroom. Discarding her robe in the bathtub, she wet a washcloth and returned to the common room.
Raven was slumped unconscious on the couch. Sitting on the edge Marissa gently wiped the washcloth across her face. Asleep the pain in Raven’s face had disappeared and Marissa looked down at her small face and tender lips feeling full of want and desire. Raven’s dark hair was a mass of wildness framing her smooth face. Then she remembered why Raven was probably in such a state.
She was running from me.
She felt a tear on her cheek.
Ah ‘Rissa, you desire what you cannot have.
She’d been telling herself that for weeks. Now seeing her best friend in such a condition and all because of her, she finally realized the truth in the words and the danger in not remembering them. She said them to herself one more time just for good measure.
You desire what you cannot have. And it’s past time you realized that.
Wiping her tears away she gathered her emotions and locked them up. She cherished her friendship with Raven too much to do this to her.
I’ll give her space. Make sure she knows I’m not going to force myself on her.
“Raven . . . .Raven . . . I need you to wake up. Let’s get you into your bed, alright?” Gently she nudged Raven until her eyes fluttered open.
Raven mumbled something unintelligently and Marissa leaned down to try to figure it out only to jump back as Raven’s hand snaked out pushing her away as she leaned over and heaved again, this time catching Marissa’s slippers.
Winching at the lost of her shoes Marissa left them and the new mess behind cleaning Raven back up again and helping her to her bedroom. Raven was unconscious as soon as her body was eased onto her bed. Dragging the small trash can from the bathroom and leaving it beside the bed Marissa stared down at the fully clothed woman.
“Come on you can do this Marissa,” she told herself as she stared unmoving. “You’ve done it before.”
Yes,
one part of her mind agreed.
But that was before. Before you were in –
She shook her head forcing herself not to complete that thought.
Resigning herself to removing Raven’s smoky alcohol drenched clothing in as professional a manner as possible she bent over and began to undo Raven’s pants. Eyes focused solely on the pants and not the smooth skin slowly being exposed, she slid Raven’s pants down and tossed them to the chair. Taking a breath she sat down on the edge of the bed and began the tedious task of unbuttoning Raven’s blouse. Her heart seemed to pick up with each twist of her fingers. At the last button the shirt fell free sliding away and there was no looking away this time. Marissa watched raven’s chest rise and fall, with an intensity she’d not known before. Her world focused on raven’ cleavage, her breasts bound in her bra, begging to be freed, her nipple pressing slightly against the bra, begging to be sucked, her stomach smooth and firm begging to be licked.
Her desire burned unchecked in every inch of her body. Marissa was so disgusted with herself. She closed her eyes trying to reign in her fiery thoughts. Lost in her own battle for control she jumped as she felt a hand close over her own. She opened her eyes and stared.
“Marissa,” Raven’s eyes shimmered with tears.
Uncontrollably, Marissa’s hand reached out and brushed a few strands of hair from Raven’s forehead. Her hand then falling to caress Raven’s cheek with her fingertips. Scanning Raven’s face, drinking her all in, she felt herself being drawn to her. She wanted to reach out and take Raven in her arms and never let go. She wanted to discover and explore every inch of her body. Playing her like a finely tuned instrument with her fingers and tongue. Stroking her until she played that one piercing note of ecstasy. Leaning forward, Raven’s lips calling to her, Marissa felt her own lips part.
A moan escaped her lips.
Eyes growing large, Marissa lurched back, yanking her hand away in horror of what she almost done. Raven whimpered. Standing she backed away from the bed least she do something she could never take back.
God, I’ve upset her so much she crying. She’s disgusted with me now that she knows how I feel about her.
Marissa shook her head.
I can’t hurt her anymore.
“You desire what you cannot have,” she threw the words out as a shield against the call her body still felt, her voice sounding rough and ridged even to her own ears. Swallowing, closing her eyes on her tears and the vision of heaven lying on the bed, she tried to steady her breathing.
“You desire what you cannot have,” she whispered it this time.
Without looking back at the bed she spun on her heels she fled the room. _________________ Love is my Salvation and Destruction.
MH _________________ From this life to the next
I will love you
Sat Jul 16, 2005 11:35 pm
Dueceswild
Joined: 13 Apr 2005
Posts: 304
Location: WV
You know you can't leave us hanging like you did last time....... Please don't..... I'll do what ever you ask.... I desperately want to know how this turns out!
Lots of Love,
Duece _________________ Never do anything you don't want to have to explain to the paramedics!
Sun Jul 17, 2005 12:56 am
Raven
Joined: 20 Jan 2005
Posts: 1409
Location: Basking in the Garden
It's almost at the end don't worry and I'll try not to make you all wait as long as I did last time. If I do you all can punish me as you see fit ~Slow smile~
Kisses,
Raven _________________ Love is my Salvation and Destruction.
Sun Jul 17, 2005 1:24 am
DarkChyldesKiss Site Admin
Joined: 29 Mar 2005
Posts: 3381
Location: Inner Sanctum
Dear Raven,
oh I love the way you are weaving this story! These delicate parts, where the reader get’s the chance to witness one and the same situation through the eyes of first Raven and then Marissa – or the other way round ... and how you are dancing with time, past and present, nearly happening simultaneously ... you are creating a gorgeous intensity beyond the breathtaking subject.
I do love your ambition for the form and passion for language.
Thank you.
Sincerely
Leguan
Sun Jul 17, 2005 4:52 pm
Raven
Joined: 20 Jan 2005
Posts: 1409
Location: Basking in the Garden
Well aday, well aday . . .Wow . . . don't think I've blushed from a response to my writing . . . or smiled so much in quite a bit. It's always nice when someone can see what your trying to do and praises it such as you did. ~bows in thanks, and winks . . .just cause
Your welcome around me ANYTIME Leguan if you always make people feel big headed like this lol.
Seriously though thanks for reading and enjoying. I'll try to make the end worthy of such praise.
Kisses,
Raven _________________ Love is my Salvation and Destruction.
Sun Jul 17, 2005 5:05 pm
leguan
Joined: 29 May 2005
Posts: 126
Location: Austria
Dear Raven,
my praise is honest and true. I couldn't praise what's not there!
Faithfully
Leguan
P.S.: But now, don't worry about the end - you might block
Sun Jul 17, 2005 5:25 pm
LadySmoke
Joined: 18 Jul 2005
Posts: 2
Love it
I love your writing just wanted to know will there be more.. cause of your writing i join,, thank you raven...
Mon Jul 18, 2005 4:47 am
Raven
Joined: 20 Jan 2005
Posts: 1409
Location: Basking in the Garden
Duece, do I get to play with the kiddies yet? ~sweet smile
Surrounds Bobby with 5 dozen tulips . . . to cover up the cheese smell. Yeah I do like going to Bobby's Flower Shop - I love the deal I always get there - flowers for free - friends with the owner and all. ~winks
Sorry it took so long Shay Doll - a whole month since you said hurry hurry . . . we wont even get into the fact that I posted the first section way back in jan on the day I joined. Sad I know . . . it's 7 months later and I still haven't finished.
~Bows down on one kneew and kisses Tee's hand, looks up and slowly grins.~ Your a gem chica and I'm honored you even think I'm worthy enough to help you at all with your writing - which by the way I don't think you need.
Sway and Jules ~grins~ so glad you two thought enough of it to not only read it again, but to post again. Hope to have more for you soon but you both know how I like to tease ~ naughty smile ~ so we'll see.
Laughs and smiles at Haven's - "intense" - Love it!
Smiles and grins at Smoke. Bows, shakes hand, then offers a hug welcome hug.
(((((((((Smoke))))))))))))) WELCOME TO MELS!!!!!!!!!
I am TRUELY over joyed that you decided to join and post because of something I wrote. That has to rank up there as one of the best compliments I've ever received for my work. Thank you so much for that and I can't wait to see you around chat - ask me for a tour, you'll love the place and all the lovely ladies that frequent it. You'll also probably become addicted to it, but don't worry I'm starting a support group for that soon. ~winks _________________ Love is my Salvation and Destruction.
Last edited by Raven on Sun Jul 24, 2005 11:02 am; edited 1 time in total
Mon Jul 18, 2005 7:02 am
SWAY
Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Posts: 1560
Location: Upstate NY
Rave,
As always, you leave us wanting more. I can't wait for more. Thanks for writing more chica, I enjoy every second of it...
Luv,
SWAY _________________ Giving myself to others has made me jaded...
Mon Jul 18, 2005 12:22 pm
suncoastgirl
Joined: 25 Mar 2005
Posts: 26
Location: back online
i'm loving it raven...
but how cheeky... its only a very small taste
more, more more
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